I read somewhere that what we believe about the nature of God is of infinite importance and that is so true because what I believed about God was anything but love.
I did believe he was a primarily angry and vengeful God who expected me to live up to his demands without consideration or reason.
And I believed that all God wanted was a bunch of praise and recognition out of some type of narcissism. And I didn’t understand why because I felt that I didn’t ask to come into this world.
False ideas about the Lord can indeed rob us of the true beauty that is within life and save us from a lot of unnecessary strain.-latoya lawrence
For years, I was very angry at God and turned away from him. Not at all within the sense of changing from a good to a bad lifestyle, but living a personal lifestyle choice which didn’t include him.
I had never done drugs or indulged in alcohol. I had never been interested in sex or wild partying, and so on.
Nevertheless, we all have sinned or continue to sin in some way or another.
Whether it is holding animosity toward someone, intentionally speaking negatively about someone, being unreasonably selfish toward others, lying about something, or other things that we may not deem as too serious of acts, but that are always serious to god.
My point is, the devil knew that he could not get to me through drugs, alcohol, or sex. My mind was too strong, and my self-esteem was too high in regard to the fact that I really did love and respect myself and my body.
So, he had to come at me within another way, and that was to turn me completely away from having any further relationship with God, to separate me from him.
As a spiritually incline individual, I have genuinely had a lot of supernatural experiences. Experiences that were legitimate and many that had proved to be accurate, revealing knowledge and enlightenment within my journey here on this earth.
When I came upon what was known to me as my Ancestors and Orishas things ran smoothly in my life.
I didn’t get every single thing (most of the desires I wanted came to me) that I asked for but all of my needs were continuously being met and provided for and I was being protected from the things that came against me.
I had a peace of mind and a joy that the world couldn’t give to me and that the world couldn’t take away.
I had felt nothing but absolute love from these Ancestors and Orishas and no type of fear or harm from them whatsoever.
If anything, their essences were encouraging my already positive and clean lifestyle, and inspiring me to stay away from negativity and things of a negative nature, and so on.
My spiritual involvement went on for about thirteen years. Until recently God was able to get my full attention.
I have never ever denied the existence of God ever. I always believed Jesus was the son of the lord and god in the flesh who died for our sins and who was resurrected on the third day after his crucifixion. I just had erroneously came to the conclusion that god was no good and that he meant me no good, but now I know nothing could be further from the truth.
Satan is very deceptive. A liar who comes to steal, kill and destroy any way possible just as the bible says.
My mother once told me that I didn’t love God enough to trust him. She also told me that God wasn’t against me. My mother had spoken with such a wise tongue.
It was hard for me to bring myself to trust him because even though I had once been very acquainted with God during my youth and early adulthood, I never truly knew the real him.
I knew the things god had done for me in the past and the incredible things that he was really capable of doing, but I never came to know him because of the false perception that I had of him.
I interpreted God as being a controlling god that wanted me to submit to a life of what I considered to be “bondage” or else I would be destined to hell-that is how I actually viewed him.
It took something drastic to happen for me to pay attention to God now within the present.
I already knew that he was the creator and that he was in control of things and that is what scared me because I believed he was evil.
In spite of all my misconceptions, God has been showing me nothing but love. He has been so kind to me, and I just cannot believe it.
I just stopped myself to ponder a bit these past few months. I reflected on the past as well as the present, and at how since I was a young child how blessed I have actually been no matter what I had gone through.
The beautiful and loving soul of a mother that I had, the beautiful and loving dog that I had, the nice and caring people that I have encountered, the trials and tribulations I have prevailed over, the wonderful and extraordinary experiences and things God has granted to me and my family as well.
God continues to provide my vital necessities, he has never let me down the way I thought he did, I just didn’t realize it.
Even when I turned my back on him, he didn’t turn his back on me.
When I was occupying my attention on my “Ancestors and Orishas” instead of God, he was there the entire time.
Nothing can be done or carried out without his authority.
I’ve known since my younger years that according to scripture the word of God states to not be deceived by Satan and his demons as they tend to imitate the illusion of deceased relatives and false deities to ensnare us into a trap and I could rationalize that but there seems to be more going on behind the scenes than what we’ve actually been informed.
I did actually receive accurate information about relatives I had never met or seen before that was confirmed by other family members and further things that did tie up to true events.
However, and nonetheless, we must test the spirit and line it up with the word of God if we are not certain about something.
I have the confidence to put God first and foremost trusting in his word and not leaning on my own understanding but within the understanding given to me by the Holy Spirit to discern the way I have through the gifts of the spirit.
In my ignorance (believing God was not working at all within my life since I had turned away from him in anger), it was not the power of any Orishas, God had taken over instead.
He was the one who was there and God was the one who was steadily watching over me the whole time because I was still his child.
God knows our hearts; he knows us better than anyone else because he made us all.
The one and only true creator who created us for his own special purpose, and for him to have a relationship with us.
A relationship that the devil wanted to take away. The relationship that Jesus died for so that I, and everyone else who chooses to, can have only if they genuinely want to through God’s mercy and grace.
God had to urgently come to let me know himself to depend on no one but him as there was no other way.
And that he didn’t want me left behind to be subjected to a life without consciously knowing him, and being apart from him without a fair chance at making a sober decision.
He cared enough to keep knocking on my heart and soul until I finally opened the door to fully trust and believe within his goodness and faithfulness.
I acknowledge that all glory goes to my heavenly father God.
I pray and talk spiritually to no one but God now. It literally happened the instant that I received God back into my life.
I can honestly say that I have learned to really trust in God, I can wholeheartedly say that God is good and sincerely mean it.
I can also say that God does genuinely love and care for me more than I ever will imagine.
He truly has my back, and when I take a look back within my rear-view mirror it is very clear that he had my back all along.