Category Archives: asexuality

As An ASexual Person I’m Sharing My Personal Views And Feelings

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One thing i don’t hear too much about is people who are Asexual. I personally am Asexual. I’m not into men or women. I would never judge anyone as myself because everyone is an individual.

From my personal experience, however, i’ve never sexually desired a penis and i know there are quite a few other women out there in the world who feel the same way that i do who are not lesbians.

During my teenage years i discovered my clitoris and experienced orgasms. I wasn’t at all afraid to explore my body. Why should i have been? It was my body.

I had never had sexual intercourse with a man. And after experiencing pleasurable sensations from stimulating my clitoris i still did not have the desire or curiosity to explore a penis.

During my mid twenties i decided that i wanted to have a child. It was then and for that reason only that i settled for dealing with a man sexually.

I would have preferred to go to a sperm bank but at that particular time i did not have the money to do so. So i engaged in sexual activity a few times at a very short time period in one month. And the act did not do anything for me.

I did not feel any sexual pleasure at all. To me, sexual intercourse is definitely a mind thing.

I did not have any feelings for the guy that i dealt with for that occasion. In fact, he disgusted me. He was into me and wanted a relationship. I had to get rid of him quick.

Some people will become sexually attached as he did. And, some men are so macho they think their penis can change your mind. But it is not at all in the stroke for me. Sex is all in the mind and can’t no man or his penis do a thing for me!

The thought of a man touching me in any way whether it is with a kiss, caress or touch by penetration turns me off.

My efforts didn’t work in the process. His ego got into the way.

This guy wanted me to want him. It sometimes takes months before conception occurs but i couldn’t let no man have sex with me over and over again!

And when he found out that i was never going to actually come around to desiring him he attempted to pretend that he would conceive a child with me. Just to get back at me.

I didn’t have time for any games. I wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was a baby. I considered having sex a sacrifice because the penetration of a man’s penis was and felt so unnatural to me.

I have not indulged in anymore sexual activity since and that was nearly ten years ago. I don’t ever plan on attempting to make a baby with the assistance of a man ever again.

As being Asexual, another thing in this society is really disgusting to me. And that is how some men try to destroy a women by making up sexual lies about them or telling about what may have went on in the bedroom between the two of them.

Certain types of people tend to believe men when they fabricate tales of sexual encounters and will join in with the slander by trying to degrade the women.

Words like “slut” don’t bother me because the word has nothing to do with me. It is beneath me.

You have those though that don’t look at it that way.

When most men and even some women call other women a derogatory name like “whore” or “slut” they expect it to hurt deep down inside to make the person feel very low. And in this day and age this society still accepts the act of letting men ruin some women’s reputations when it comes to sexual matters.

A man can go around sleeping with hundreds of women while he is considered a “king”. A woman as everybody knows on the other hand will be considered one of the most rotten things in the world.

Many still believe that most women will break down to lose their confidence if a man trashes their name by putting them out there as a skank. It gives them a great sense of power.

I can’t speak for anyone else personally on this matter although i know i’m not the only woman who feels this way since there are such a wide variety of people in our world, but no man or woman could ever lower or make me completely lose my self-confidence by using sexual gestures that are considered offensive in this society.

I am a human being who doesn’t go along with the many brainwashing and beliefs of what is suppose to maintain and lower a woman’s worth.

I don’t think that it is right for a woman to sleep around with many other people if she loves herself. The body is one’s temple and one should want to keep it very healthy and clean.

At the same time i do not believe that a woman who sleeps around lowers her value. I just believe it means that she does not value herself!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/28/as-an-asexual-person-im-sharing-my-personal-views-and-feelings/

Me And A Man

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Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:15 AM EST

I don’t understand why certain people are so concerned about me not wanting to have a man in my life. People have always judged me not for what i do but for the things that i do not do and it is really none of their business.

All of this man shit really didn’t get this big until after i severely hurt the feelings of three guys in the past by being very nasty toward them then coldly rejecting them because i did not want them and the outcome has really been ridiculous.

I have heard in my life of some men not being able to handle rejection very well, however, it is very sad when some get hurt so bad that they can’t move on by continuing to seek revenge through lies perpetuated by those who keep spreading them.

I don’t know what these niggers expect to happen to me. I am not going down. For some sick reason do to their stupid egos they want people to believe that my weakness is for a man and that i am the one who has been hurt by a man and i am so tired of this dumb bullshit.

People really need to grow up and get over the fact that i’m a happy, healthy, successful, independent woman who doesn’t and never has gave a fuck about a man.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/me-and-a-man-2/

My Confessions

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Peace, Power, Purity, And Protection

Significance Of The Caul/A Caulbearer Who Cannot Be Defeated

January 28th, 2012

Everyone makes mistakes and indeed this was a big one! Everything in my post is the truth except for what I mentioned about God.

I wrote this post about fives years ago and now I can come out with the total truth that I could not say at the time. I don’t really feel that I did anything wrong. I don’t really believe that the only true protection comes from The God Of The Bible.

My actions did not cause me to be open for any attack because I don’t believe in or follow that God of the bible’s sick “will” especially that garbage about a man and a woman becoming one flesh. I will always be whole and complete and no one flesh with nobody.

I truly feel that God was responsible for allowing those sick witchcraft experiences because I never cared for him and belonged to him, and I thank my lucky stars because I don’t ever want to be one of his children.

I have true supervision and protection from my Ancestors and Orishas like I had all through out my life I just had to get reconnected and reacquainted since I was attacked by witchcraft at such an early age ( ever since I was seven ).

Even though I didn’t truly from my heart mean what I said in this post regarding “God” I really regret having done so because I would never intentionally want to give him any type of glory or justification whatsoever!

And I know damn well that my beautiful soul will never enter a place of hell even if I ever did get an abortion. “I’ve seen where i’m going”, God Of The Bible has no claims over me. He does not apply to me or my life. And I am so glad that I am at a place in my life where I can acknowledge it and back it up fiercely. And I don’t give a damn what anyone who is blinded by him has to say about it!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 8:17 PM EDT

I don’t know why I’m calling this post my confessions. I’ve never had anything to hide. What i really mean by confessing is just acknowledging more in depth how i feel about particular things regarding myself.

I am a female. A woman. And I’m very glad to be. I am strong-minded, strong-willed, determined, stubborn, confident, opinionated, outspoken and a few other things. When i was a little girl i loved to have fun just like most children and i was very creative.

A lot of children have an idea of what they want to be when they become an adult. I knew by the age of ten that i would write and that is the age that i began writing the short stories that i use to. I also knew that when i grew up that i never wanted to marry. I am thirty-one years old now and have never had a boyfriend.

So i really did know what i did and did not want early on. I also knew that one day when i was ready i would want to have two children, preferably two female children. Two daughters. My two little girls. The only problem was how would i get them? I didn’t want no man on top of me.

I thought going to a sperm bank would cost too much money for me at the time since there was no guarantee that conception would occur during the first insemination. I’ve heard of women spending up to six thousands of dollars after numerous tries before actual conception occurred through being artificially inseminated by a doctor.

So if i really wanted to have a child I’d have to do what i had to do and that would mean lying down with a man that i didn’t want. It wouldn’t have been a problem. A whole lot of men were interested in me during my younger years. They just didn’t understand why i didn’t want to be bothered since most young women are man-crazy and are heavily into a man.

I was just the opposite. A few of the reasons i paid my admirers no attention was because the majority of them were nothing, nobodies. They were in my opinion unattractive and definitely undesirable as far as their physical appearance and level of mentality. What turned me off the most, though, is them approaching me like automatically without them even knowing me, that i was suppose to have an inclination for males.

They made a general assumption about me that was definitely not true. I am Asexual and very proud of it. I’ve never ever had any emotional or physical desire for a man. When guys had crushes on me and expressed their feelings in their own ways it disgusted me where others would think that it was cute or normal. And i am very sure most consider having a crush on someone then acting on it normal.

I felt if a guy was attracted to me and wanted to be with me he should have kept it to himself because he didn’t stand a chance with me. Then i began to think about it a little bit, and thought about using a man’s feelings for me to my advantage. You know when someone is into you and you are not into them then you have the upper hand.

Some of the guys who were interested in me had heard that i was a virgin and probably thought ( in their mind if they were to ever get the chance) by having sex with me they could turn me out or that i would change and become attached to them and fall all over them then a man would have some significance to me. Boy did they have me figured out wrong! Some of those male egos and ignorance’s need to go! There is a whole lot that some men really need to learn.

Yes, i was a virgin as far as never ever having intercourse with a man. A male penis had never penetrated my vagina but i had already experienced sexual pleasure without the aid of a man.

You see, i had discovered my clitoris years beforehand. It is a very sensitive area connected to nerves inside the body that with the educated touch of a finger ( i learned naturally on my own ) there are very nice sensations and climaxes to experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with self experimentation, getting to know and love your own self sexually before letting someone else take control. But when a man is inside of you he is not the one really in control of giving you your pleasure.

It is all up to you and your mind whether or not your body will allow his penis to ignite those sensations. You have to already have an attraction or desire for a man in order to feel any pleasure from him. This particular subject is not embarrassing and it should not be. It is important.

When i was a little girl i curiously took a mirror to see what my vagina looked like. What’s wrong with that? Nothing! None of these things mean that you are being a bad girl or fresh. It is being smart and knowledgeable.

During the very first and only time period i tried to get pregnant by attempting sexual intercourse i felt absolutely nothing, no kind of sensation or pleasure whatsoever from the penis i endured because i had no desire and emotion to be with any male. On the other hand though, i could go and stimulate my clitoris on my own while i was alone and feel all the pleasure in the world because my mind was happily accepting that i was the one who was causing sensations received by myself.

My mind and body was and is not receptive to the thought of being touched by a man since nothing about a man arouses me. My body doesn’t want something pounding inside and out, that is just plain stupid! During clitoral stimulation, there is no penetration. Only i can arouse myself as i am in love with myself. And i haven’t ever been with any other man since. That was years ago. And for the future there won’t be another one.

My vagina is strictly off limits as it has always been. There is no man anywhere around me or in my neighborhood who can honestly say that they had me or will have me because now i have the money to go to a sperm bank if i really want to.

Even if i didn’t have the money i still would not resort to lying down with a man because that is not who i am and because to me it is so unnatural. My clitoris is natural. I was born with it. I know how to take care of myself. If i want a vaginal massage, i prefer myself.

When and if i eventually do get pregnant, like i mentioned before I’d prefer to have girls. My girls because i know they’d be very similar to me i have very strong genes. If i unfortunately get pregnant with a boy I’d be very pissed off and disappointed then I’d go seek an abortion. You see, there is no way in the world that i would want or have anything male growing up inside of me.

I know the way that i feel goes against God’s will just as fornication. God would prefer that i get married then have children and accept the children no matter what the sex is especially since I’m so spiritually blessed the way that i am.

However, i have my own will. And it goes against God’s. Now i live a very clean life as it is. I never went astray. I fornicated on only one occasion and that was done purely to make a baby and not out of any type of lust but i think the act itself left me open and vulnerable to the attack of evil spirits when my enemies worked their witchcraft.

Protection comes with God’s Holy Spirit and his spirit is not to be defiled by any spiritual uncleanliness. Now while witchcraft was unable to affect my strength, mind, actions and emotions it was able to affect my progress in life by interfering with my destiny.

So it wasn’t so much about my enemies having the ability to attack me it was that at the hands of my own actions i gave them the opportunity by disobeying God and defiling his Holy Spirit. If i had been married the act would’ve been clean.

Nevertheless, you know what? I still say even though i am spiritually restored now i don’t think that was fair. And life is not fair. I am a very good person and i don’t deny the power and works of the Lord but my heart is hardened against the way God set certain things.

The only real big sin that i was and am guilty of is rebellion. I still refuse to want to do it the Lord’s way by getting married to have a child and I’d still get an abortion or want to if i ever get pregnant with a male child. If i did get married I’d just be using the man for what i want. It just wouldn’t work out.

I lose patience in just two weeks of being around a man. And like i said before I’d never have any sexual dealings with a man as long as i live so if i lose God’s partial protection again by trying to conceive a child out of wedlock through going to a sperm bank and getting rid of a fetus because it turns out to be a boy then the Lord is just not right. My feelings will never change even if i risk spending an eternity burning in hell for it.

The All Seeing Truth Not Blinded By The Lies

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/my-confessions/

Sex Without Emotion

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Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:20 PM EST

To some people sex has meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse and i don’t understand that.

To me, sex is a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other?

It seems to me that sex is nothing but a feeling and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure. Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse.

The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and that has nothing to do with emotion or love.

If i was to engage in sexual behavior my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached.

Well it exists, and i’m living proof.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/sex-without-emotion/

Sex Without Emotion

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Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:20 PM EST

To some people sex has meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse and i don’t understand that.

To me, sex is a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other?

It seems to me that sex is nothing but a feeling and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure. Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse.

The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and that has nothing to do with emotion or love.

If i was to engage in sexual behavior my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached.

Well it exists, and i’m living proof.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/sex-without-emotion/

Asexual

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Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:06 PM EST

I was born asexual and i am very proud to be that way. Some believe it isn’t normal to not have no nature. It doesn’t bother me what people think i couldn’t imagine myself any different than what i am. I’m not attracted to men or women. I gratefully don’t have any sexual desires.

When some people in the past found out that i didn’t want to be bothered with men they automatically assumed that it was because i was worried about a man only trying to use me for one thing like “sex”, or that maybe i saw or experienced some type of negativity involving a man somewhere along down the line in my life. But neither of those things were true.

I hate when people make ignorant generalizations. I’ve never been in a bad relationship and i’ve never been raped. And, i’ve never seen any of my female family members in any serious abusive relationships with men.

Most people say a man and a woman are suppose to be together. I understand that God made it that way, nevertheless, i still don’t care. I am nowhere near ashamed of who i am. If i get ridiculed because everybody else may enjoy the company of a man and are having sex and i am not-too bad!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/asexual/

Double Standards

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Friday, March 10, 2006 at 2:23 PM EST

It is something how most of this society makes more out of a man than what he is worth. As far as i am concerned a man is no better than a woman. We are equal when it comes down to gender.

When i was a child growing up i use to play with boys and we’d genuinely have fun together.

My best childhood pal at the time was a boy. During my teenage years i’d sit and talk with grown men as well as certain women, just having general conversations, and i didn’t see anything wrong with that.

Older people have always conversed with me.

I’ve never been sheltered in my childhood because of the type of family that i come from and my mother wanted me to be aware of the things that were around me.

When i began to reach my mid teenage years i realized just how serious certain people’s ignorance was regarding the relationship between a male and a female.

I realized that everybody’s intentions weren’t as innocent as mine.

I could be under men without having any sexual interest in them but everyone else wasn’t that way so they didn’t take it that way. I never messed around with guys because i’m asexual.

In my neighborhood, there are certain types of people who try to belittle or bring other people down with scandalous gossip. And whenever they want to get at a woman they tend to use things that are of a sexual nature against her just the way most of our society does.

I’ve seen it done over and over again with people who are on that particular street-level. And, it really pissed me off when jealous people in my neighborhood tried it with me.

You see, i think very highly of myself. I have a high self-esteem and that’s my business because i don’t bother nobody. I never cared what anybody did in their life, good or bad, just as long as they didn’t try to interfere with mine. But, that is what they did anyway.

They’re in everybody’s business, especially people who seem to be doing a little better than they are.

Any way, there wasn’t any substantial gossip going around about me sleeping with men. People who don’t know better will assume what they want because most people believe every young girl is having sex that is just the way some think. So to them all, they felt i thought i was better because i wasn’t doing the same things that everybody else was doing.

All i did though is live my life the way i wanted to and not to be looking good in other peoples eyes. I’m just genuinely an upstanding person who has her own view on things. My jealous enemies would send certain men after me to get me hooked up with them so that if i had sex with anyone of those guys they would have what they considered “dirt on me”.

However, i didn’t get involved with anyone, i knew what they were doing. The last thing that were on those stupid peoples minds were that i could actually be asexual. They don’t think that way.

A while back, my trouble truly begun with two low-lifes that i rejected. They’d come around me, wanting people to believe something was going on between me an them. They cared what people thought and were trying to back up whatever lies they were telling about me. Some people will think a man is going with a woman that he’s always under so they played on that.

When i lost patience and decided to be rudely blunt about how i did not want them and how nothing was ever going to develop into a relationship they went and trashed my name in the street thinking their rumors might break me. Boy were they in for a surprise! They knew i didn’t care what people thought so they both went to the extreme with the help of others who didn’t like me.

It is believed by many that men are emotionally stronger than women, however, that is not true. I wasn’t raised that way. I was raised to be my own person.

Everybody is an individual. There are a lot of women who are highly emotional and easily hurt by things in life but i and other particular women that i know aren’t one of them.

These two guys spoke severely of me in a negative way and had a chosen few other males and even females call me names. And their generalized notions were that i would feel bad, get embarrassed, and come down from my high horse.

But i was too strong and conceited and fought back by continuing to be myself. I have a level-head of conceit though. I considered them all to be crazy for trying to berate me and they considered me a psychopath for thinking the way that i did.

I’m tired of generalizations and stereotypical views of where a woman stands in this society and how she is supposed to feel and conduct herself. A man can go sleep around with a bunch of women and it’s alright. If a woman sleeps around with a bunch of men she’s got to be the worst thing in the world.

In my opinion, how many men a woman sleeps with really does not make her any less valuable than anyone else, however, i do believe that by disrespecting herself shows that she has no self-value.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/double-standards/