Category Archives: jealousy

Me And A Man

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Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:15 AM EST

I don’t understand why certain people are so concerned about me not wanting to have a man in my life. People have always judged me not for what i do but for the things that i do not do and it is really none of their business.

All of this man shit really didn’t get this big until after i severely hurt the feelings of three guys in the past by being very nasty toward them then coldly rejecting them because i did not want them and the outcome has really been ridiculous.

I have heard in my life of some men not being able to handle rejection very well, however, it is very sad when some get hurt so bad that they can’t move on by continuing to seek revenge through lies perpetuated by those who keep spreading them.

I don’t know what these niggers expect to happen to me. I am not going down. For some sick reason do to their stupid egos they want people to believe that my weakness is for a man and that i am the one who has been hurt by a man and i am so tired of this dumb bullshit.

People really need to grow up and get over the fact that i’m a happy, healthy, successful, independent woman who doesn’t and never has gave a fuck about a man.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/me-and-a-man-2/

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Envy, Jealousy

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The Depth Of Jealousy

Thursday, October 12, 2006 at 5:26 AM EDT

I am not a christian and do not totally agree with the religion, nevertheless, It all began with Cain and Abel. And i can very well relate firsthand to that biblical story because most jealousy starts within the home.

Years ago my own uncle admitted to me himself that the reason he sometimes was mean to me was due to his envious feelings. My mother had already told me before he did though that he was jealous because i was so very well taken care of. I had the type of mother that he didn’t have. Other relatives besides my uncle have also expressed their envies and jealousies by going out into the streets spreading vicious rumors about my mother and i in the past along with doing a lot of other nasty things.

And, aside from my unfit family i’ve been the object of much envy and jealousy from people on the outside as well. They were jealous of me when i was a young child going to school, while i was a teenager making it quite well on welfare, and now that i am a woman who goes to work.

One of the biggest things some are jealous of is that i haven’t been skanked up. They don’t like that i have never been dogged out by a man so they had to make up lies about me. They don’t like how i was capable of writing books so they had to interfere in my career. I don’t care who don’t like my books and what i write. If any of my literature is considered to be nothing to them that is their problem, not mine. I have Divine-given talents. Whoever can’t see it doesn’t matter to me because i know it.

Envy and jealousy has taken an all new high. It has been taken to a new level. Sometimes envy is made very clear. One can detect jealousy in people’s faces and actions but when you confront them about it most of the time their reaction is “jealous of what?” Jealousy is a very ugly thing and sometimes it is over the most little of matters. With some of them who were envious of me it is the home that i came from.

I have a share of negative relatives on both sides of my family and i am not anything like them. But in those particular peoples eyes i should have been. When i was a little girl a lot talked about what they believed i would turn out to be, thinking their children was so much more better than me when they weren’t. They couldn’t see that then. Their children’s families was in a way the opposite of mine yet their children still was the ones to fuck up and get fucked up by other people while i was the one who never got messed up at all.

They are all very jealous of my character. The person that i am. So they desperately sought and still seek to destroy me.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/envy-jealousy/

Denial

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Thursday, October 12, 2006 at 4:56 AM EDT

A lot of people do not want to accept certain things. And a lot of the time it is the things that are of “truth” that people don’t want to accept because sometimes they cannot deal with it or may not be able to handle whatever else comes along with it.

There are a lot of challenges that life brings and many of us do not want to see, hear, face or believe. Ready or not things are going to happen and it is up to the individual whether or not they are going to step up to it or run away. I wish the world wasn’t in the state that it is in but there is absolutely nothing that i can do about it so i just have to accept it but that doesn’t mean that i have to follow along in the state that the world is in.

I still be myself regardless and am able to handle whatever it is that comes around my way because i have a strong sense of myself and purpose. You have those though that for whatever reason who go by, masquerade and try to escape through many efforts. Lying to oneself is definitely not a comfortable way to escape. There is no peace in it. Lies will eventually eat you up inside and destroy you.

Some find a way to escape by believing in their own lies. Believing a lie is the truth brings a sense of security to some since it prevents them from facing a fear or shortcoming.

One lady i use to go to church with a long time ago got on my nerves so i told her how much she stunk when i’d sit next to her wherever we were in front of other church members. The next thing that i knew what i told her had gotten all over the church. One of the church members went back and spread it so i guess the lady got embarrassed.

Later after the incident the lady told me that she knew the reason i told her she stunk was just because i was angry. And that was a perfect example of denial. I was indeed angry when i told her that she smelled bad but i meant what i had said because it was the truth. Someone else i knew even acknowledged that the lady carried an odor. She just didn’t want to accept it.

And it is just the same thing with some of my enemies. They keep saying that i am putting up a big “front”. I don’t have a clue as to what they are talking about. A front for what?

Just because they tried to ruin me in ways that they wouldn’t be able to handle if people had done the same exact things to them does not mean that it affects me. I am not anything like them.

What pertains to them does not pertain to me. I am so much better than they are morally and intellectually.

I don’t know when they are going to wake up and realize that nothing that they did or do bothered or bothers me. I am a free happy spirit living with no worries or fears. I don’t care one bit about what they say or think and believe about me, however, they just can’t and won’t accept that. They are in “deep denial”.

The low level that my enemies are on is quite ridiculous.

It is unbelievable how stupid they all are. They are so stupid to believe that i am actually putting up a front when there is nothing for me to be putting up a front for. I don’t care how much trouble they went through to make my life miserable my Orisha is much, much stronger. The fact is that their efforts just did not work and never will work and whoever told them that their efforts did work flat out lied to them.

They are too stupid to see it though.

My enemies are making complete fools of themselves by continuing to believe what they think to be true then acting on it. When the day comes-and i know that very soon it will-when they all finally have to face reality and see, and truly acknowledge what the real deal is they are going to feel even stupider than they already are. For the meantime though you know the old saying, “Ignorance Is Bliss”.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/denial/

Age

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Thursday, October 12, 2006 at 4:42 AM EDT

“Respect your elders”. “Wisdom comes with age”. I’ve heard people speak those words throughout my lifetime as i am sure others have. However, i strongly disagree with those words.

Just because someone is a little bit or a lot older than one does not mean that they automatically deserve their respect. And wisdom does come with age for some but definitely not for all. I learned that fact early on as a very young child. And it is a fact!

Grown ups had said and done things to me that wasn’t correct and right.

If i knew a little more about something than they did they didn’t want to hear it because in their mind they believed that they were the adult who knew better when in actuality they didn’t know what they were talking about. Often when a particular child, teen, or even young adult is knowledgeable and goes to express an idea or solution that someone older may not see, realize, or grasp the first thing that older person may be quick to verbalize is that the younger person is being “fresh” or “think that he or she knows everything”. And then continues on with “they’ll learn”.

They are very quick to generalize as most people do. It is not fair but it sometimes happens.

It’s been said and i’ve been told all throughout my life by those who have been able to recognize that i am too smart and that i know a lot for my age and that they were nowhere near the level that i’m on when they were at my age. There are decent rational adults out there who don’t have any problem acknowledging and accepting that people younger than them can know just as much as they do and even a little more.

You see, i have always carried a portion of wisdom. I have a good share of it. And i am very wise in ways that a lot of people don’t appreciate. There have been some who’ve misjudged me, accused me of things that i was not guilty of, lied on me, underestimated me, and treated me unfairly. There have been plenty of older peoples asses that i have wanted to kick. A lot of them make me so sick about how they think or thought that they were enlightening me by telling me something while all of the time i was way ahead of them.

Of course, there are those who are informative and beneficial to learn a little or a lot from. They are very helpful and they are the ones that i respect if they genuinely have understanding.

There have been older people who have tried to hurt me, test me, run games on me and so on because they believed and thought that they were so much more experienced.

And you see, that goes back to them making generalizations. Everybody is not the same but you can’t tell them that. So many of them have got it stored in their minds that they’ve been around and that they know and are able to read every type of person that they come across when they don’t know shit! They just think they do. And those are assholes that some of us are just going to run into at sometime or another. They are too ignorant to realize that it is not always necessarily age that makes you wiser but it is the insight and the “individual” experience. And just because one has the age does not mean that they have all of the experience.

A lot of people have gone through life living with the wrong information and mistaking one thing for another so when a younger person comes along knowing the answers he or she is sometimes considered as the one who is misguided, naive, or confused due to their own form of “misguidance”. And when some do come to a realization they are too embarrassed to admit to it.

There are plenty of younger people who indeed are naive, confused, and don’t know a whole lot about life and some of them are just stupid because their parents are stupid. But out here in the world there are older people who can learn from the young and the young who can learn from the old.

Our world is continually changing and while many things continue to change many of the things are going to remain the same.

I have a number of reasons why i don’t have respect for people just because they are older than me. Now that doesn’t mean that i go around disrespecting them. There is a difference between being courteous and having true respect for someone. I just do not underestimate anyone because they are younger than me and i do not overestimate someone simply because they are older. I go by the person within.

Nevertheless, i am aware that maturity also plays a part when it comes to certain people and their age.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/age/

Rumors

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 11:27 PM EDT

People have been telling lies since the beginning of time so they are definitely not going to stop now. No doubt, a lot of people are very nosy and love gossip. They gossip over anything, usually about a lot of silly shit. Some will say that everybody gossips. There is a big difference between having a discussion and straight out gossiping.

Most people who like to sit around waiting to hear and spread vicious rumors are pathetic, miserable people who don’t have a life of their own. They are full of envies and petty jealousies over the people that they talk about. As soon as gossip is spread about them though they can’t handle it and most of the time it is because what’s spread about them is the truth so they get mad and spread lies on others who are above them.

I have never spread rumors. I spread the truth.

And i, just like many others, have been the victim of quite a few ridiculous rumors. I’ve heard people say that they would go home and cry over lies that was said about them. I have never shed a tear over lies people told on me. Some of them may have pissed me off very much because i knew what they were trying to do but their talk didn’t affect me because i knew what was circulating was nowhere near the truth.

I know that it does hurt a lot of good people when others hear negative things that are false regarding them then they listen to it and may act accordingly to it. Treating them unfairly, and some of them got the nerve because they are the ones who actually have the dirt on them and the ones they criticize are the innocent ones.

The way i look at the matter is if you know who you are and you know what you did and did not do you shouldn’t give a fuck. People are going to talk about you anyway. Whether you do good or bad. Fuck them!

I scoff and laugh at people who spread rumors about me. I’m better than all of them. I can go and walk around anywhere holding my head up as high up in the sky as i want to because i haven’t done a damn thing! And if i had i’d still be strong enough to pick up and keep moving because i don’t do things that i’d be ashamed of.

People have all type of reasons why they make up lies and spread rumors. Most of the time it is done out of jealousy, hatred, ignorance, and sickness.

One time i hung out with this older woman who came out of jail a long time ago. Her name was Venus. The next thing that i knew people were assuming that because i was a good person and that she was a bad person that i was trying to help her get on her feet or something to that nature. The woman herself even went around lying, telling people that i was trying to save her. Save her from what? I don’t know what they were talking about. It was all news to me. That was a petty lie, unless she was really that dumb enough to perceive that through her own misunderstanding.

Then, later on, i was suppose to had went with her boyfriend (had a relationship with him). And then i became a ho’. And so on, an so on.

See, they are all crazy! And they are suppose to be grown folks. That’s why the dummy and her nigger both have been looking like skeletons for a while now and are rapidly dying from Aids.

You know, the truth always comes out no matter how long it may take. I don’t have no Aids and never had any other diseases for that matter.

That says a whole lot because they hung themselves with their own ropes.

People need to think about what they lie about before they do it. Their shit didn’t add up and now their being eaten up. I knew that they had Aids a long time ago and was waiting until the day for it to really show. I look at Venus and Omar and gloat like crazy. That is what they get for being so jealous of me, a death sentence.

It’s just sad when people’s lives get ruined over shit that they know is not true.

Since most of the time lies spread faster than the truth it gets to them how those who fall for the lies believe in it, and it bothers them how people think of them. I can’t get into any of that shit because it is a waste of energy. It’s not real so why pay any attention to it.

The way i keep looking at it is that they are living in a land of make-believe and i am in reality and i got to keep moving on because i’m not a sick person.

Some probably are making up rumors about why i write blogs. Is that going to discourage me from blogging? No way! I write because i am a natural born writer. I was told that the gift i have would be used to help people even though i did not set out to do so. I just followed the calling. It’s a talent. I’m not trying and never have tried to prove anything to anyone.

I don’t beg people to read my blogs. If nobody likes what i have to say they don’t have to visit and read my writings. I didn’t even tell people that i had blogs they found out on their own. I am expressing myself and i’m going to keep doing it.

And this may sound crazy but if i never got any visitors i’d still post.That is one of the major reasons i don’t and will continue not to be bothered with too many people because they are so stupid and ignorant, jealous, and inferior and not worth my time and energy.

I’m much, much happier being by myself, doing what i like.

Even when i am on my job i keep mostly to myself. So everybody can go on an keep talking while i’ll still be way ahead because i’ve been gone!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/rumors/

My Confessions

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Peace, Power, Purity, And Protection

Significance Of The Caul/A Caulbearer Who Cannot Be Defeated

January 28th, 2012

Everyone makes mistakes and indeed this was a big one! Everything in my post is the truth except for what I mentioned about God.

I wrote this post about fives years ago and now I can come out with the total truth that I could not say at the time. I don’t really feel that I did anything wrong. I don’t really believe that the only true protection comes from The God Of The Bible.

My actions did not cause me to be open for any attack because I don’t believe in or follow that God of the bible’s sick “will” especially that garbage about a man and a woman becoming one flesh. I will always be whole and complete and no one flesh with nobody.

I truly feel that God was responsible for allowing those sick witchcraft experiences because I never cared for him and belonged to him, and I thank my lucky stars because I don’t ever want to be one of his children.

I have true supervision and protection from my Ancestors and Orishas like I had all through out my life I just had to get reconnected and reacquainted since I was attacked by witchcraft at such an early age ( ever since I was seven ).

Even though I didn’t truly from my heart mean what I said in this post regarding “God” I really regret having done so because I would never intentionally want to give him any type of glory or justification whatsoever!

And I know damn well that my beautiful soul will never enter a place of hell even if I ever did get an abortion. “I’ve seen where i’m going”, God Of The Bible has no claims over me. He does not apply to me or my life. And I am so glad that I am at a place in my life where I can acknowledge it and back it up fiercely. And I don’t give a damn what anyone who is blinded by him has to say about it!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 8:17 PM EDT

I don’t know why I’m calling this post my confessions. I’ve never had anything to hide. What i really mean by confessing is just acknowledging more in depth how i feel about particular things regarding myself.

I am a female. A woman. And I’m very glad to be. I am strong-minded, strong-willed, determined, stubborn, confident, opinionated, outspoken and a few other things. When i was a little girl i loved to have fun just like most children and i was very creative.

A lot of children have an idea of what they want to be when they become an adult. I knew by the age of ten that i would write and that is the age that i began writing the short stories that i use to. I also knew that when i grew up that i never wanted to marry. I am thirty-one years old now and have never had a boyfriend.

So i really did know what i did and did not want early on. I also knew that one day when i was ready i would want to have two children, preferably two female children. Two daughters. My two little girls. The only problem was how would i get them? I didn’t want no man on top of me.

I thought going to a sperm bank would cost too much money for me at the time since there was no guarantee that conception would occur during the first insemination. I’ve heard of women spending up to six thousands of dollars after numerous tries before actual conception occurred through being artificially inseminated by a doctor.

So if i really wanted to have a child I’d have to do what i had to do and that would mean lying down with a man that i didn’t want. It wouldn’t have been a problem. A whole lot of men were interested in me during my younger years. They just didn’t understand why i didn’t want to be bothered since most young women are man-crazy and are heavily into a man.

I was just the opposite. A few of the reasons i paid my admirers no attention was because the majority of them were nothing, nobodies. They were in my opinion unattractive and definitely undesirable as far as their physical appearance and level of mentality. What turned me off the most, though, is them approaching me like automatically without them even knowing me, that i was suppose to have an inclination for males.

They made a general assumption about me that was definitely not true. I am Asexual and very proud of it. I’ve never ever had any emotional or physical desire for a man. When guys had crushes on me and expressed their feelings in their own ways it disgusted me where others would think that it was cute or normal. And i am very sure most consider having a crush on someone then acting on it normal.

I felt if a guy was attracted to me and wanted to be with me he should have kept it to himself because he didn’t stand a chance with me. Then i began to think about it a little bit, and thought about using a man’s feelings for me to my advantage. You know when someone is into you and you are not into them then you have the upper hand.

Some of the guys who were interested in me had heard that i was a virgin and probably thought ( in their mind if they were to ever get the chance) by having sex with me they could turn me out or that i would change and become attached to them and fall all over them then a man would have some significance to me. Boy did they have me figured out wrong! Some of those male egos and ignorance’s need to go! There is a whole lot that some men really need to learn.

Yes, i was a virgin as far as never ever having intercourse with a man. A male penis had never penetrated my vagina but i had already experienced sexual pleasure without the aid of a man.

You see, i had discovered my clitoris years beforehand. It is a very sensitive area connected to nerves inside the body that with the educated touch of a finger ( i learned naturally on my own ) there are very nice sensations and climaxes to experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with self experimentation, getting to know and love your own self sexually before letting someone else take control. But when a man is inside of you he is not the one really in control of giving you your pleasure.

It is all up to you and your mind whether or not your body will allow his penis to ignite those sensations. You have to already have an attraction or desire for a man in order to feel any pleasure from him. This particular subject is not embarrassing and it should not be. It is important.

When i was a little girl i curiously took a mirror to see what my vagina looked like. What’s wrong with that? Nothing! None of these things mean that you are being a bad girl or fresh. It is being smart and knowledgeable.

During the very first and only time period i tried to get pregnant by attempting sexual intercourse i felt absolutely nothing, no kind of sensation or pleasure whatsoever from the penis i endured because i had no desire and emotion to be with any male. On the other hand though, i could go and stimulate my clitoris on my own while i was alone and feel all the pleasure in the world because my mind was happily accepting that i was the one who was causing sensations received by myself.

My mind and body was and is not receptive to the thought of being touched by a man since nothing about a man arouses me. My body doesn’t want something pounding inside and out, that is just plain stupid! During clitoral stimulation, there is no penetration. Only i can arouse myself as i am in love with myself. And i haven’t ever been with any other man since. That was years ago. And for the future there won’t be another one.

My vagina is strictly off limits as it has always been. There is no man anywhere around me or in my neighborhood who can honestly say that they had me or will have me because now i have the money to go to a sperm bank if i really want to.

Even if i didn’t have the money i still would not resort to lying down with a man because that is not who i am and because to me it is so unnatural. My clitoris is natural. I was born with it. I know how to take care of myself. If i want a vaginal massage, i prefer myself.

When and if i eventually do get pregnant, like i mentioned before I’d prefer to have girls. My girls because i know they’d be very similar to me i have very strong genes. If i unfortunately get pregnant with a boy I’d be very pissed off and disappointed then I’d go seek an abortion. You see, there is no way in the world that i would want or have anything male growing up inside of me.

I know the way that i feel goes against God’s will just as fornication. God would prefer that i get married then have children and accept the children no matter what the sex is especially since I’m so spiritually blessed the way that i am.

However, i have my own will. And it goes against God’s. Now i live a very clean life as it is. I never went astray. I fornicated on only one occasion and that was done purely to make a baby and not out of any type of lust but i think the act itself left me open and vulnerable to the attack of evil spirits when my enemies worked their witchcraft.

Protection comes with God’s Holy Spirit and his spirit is not to be defiled by any spiritual uncleanliness. Now while witchcraft was unable to affect my strength, mind, actions and emotions it was able to affect my progress in life by interfering with my destiny.

So it wasn’t so much about my enemies having the ability to attack me it was that at the hands of my own actions i gave them the opportunity by disobeying God and defiling his Holy Spirit. If i had been married the act would’ve been clean.

Nevertheless, you know what? I still say even though i am spiritually restored now i don’t think that was fair. And life is not fair. I am a very good person and i don’t deny the power and works of the Lord but my heart is hardened against the way God set certain things.

The only real big sin that i was and am guilty of is rebellion. I still refuse to want to do it the Lord’s way by getting married to have a child and I’d still get an abortion or want to if i ever get pregnant with a male child. If i did get married I’d just be using the man for what i want. It just wouldn’t work out.

I lose patience in just two weeks of being around a man. And like i said before I’d never have any sexual dealings with a man as long as i live so if i lose God’s partial protection again by trying to conceive a child out of wedlock through going to a sperm bank and getting rid of a fetus because it turns out to be a boy then the Lord is just not right. My feelings will never change even if i risk spending an eternity burning in hell for it.

The All Seeing Truth Not Blinded By The Lies

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/my-confessions/

Garbage

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Thursday, September 28, 2006 at 1:49 PM EDT

No doubt, i was born a person of substance and there is no way in the world that i will ever have any regard or respect for those who are worthless. And i’m talking about the trash, of course. I’m tired of living around them, i’m tired of working around them.

I detected what they were from a very young age and ever since then i’ve always had a deep hatred for them.

I resent God for giving them life and if he had any sense he’d correct his mistake by opening up the grounds around them to let them all be swallowed up to their magnificent death.

There is a definite pattern when it comes to their physical appearance, attitude, and behavior. And no matter how much they dress up or what position they may hold at work it is still obvious to tell just how much they aren’t shit.

It is no secret how i feel about them knuckleheads. They are incompetent, sick-minded, and ignorant. And they really kill me how they think if they talk about you severely it’s suppose to mean something and be effective.

I’m a person of substance. Those people don’t count to me.What they say doesn’t mean shit to me!

They can go around talking and trying to turn as many against me as they want and i’ll say “more power to you” because anybody who listens to people like that are just as fucked up as they are and are doing me a favor by keeping their distance. I don’t want no type of trash in my life and in my world!

I should keep my mouth shut but i am going to write this because it is the truth about how i feel and because i don’t care. I came close to killing a mother fucker years ago. One of those nothings. I tried to smother the mother fucker and it felt so good. The only thing is it happened to be a guy who was built a little stronger than me.

See, i’m little in size but i do have a good amount of physical strength and the position where i had him in was perfect. I had a good grip on him. But he struggled until he broke free and he was scared because even though he may have been able to over power me physically i absolutely had and showed no fear.

I was serious, pissed off ,and burning with a passion to get rid of his ass.

I’m in no way joking or trying to be big and bad i am very serious when it comes to my dislike for those types of people. I was born under the sign Taurus and we are very strong people who have violent tempers when we are provoked enough.

I don’t get into the business of others because it never concerns me. When i’m at my job i do my work. I live my life the way i want to and nothing is going to change me. I have my own views, beliefs, and directions about life and my powers are leading me securely.

I don’t care who may think that i’m stupid or a psychopath. I am very special and very wise.

And i am here in this crazy world for a very strong purpose even though i don’t want to be considering the way that it is. I feel i belong in a much better place, nevertheless, i can be here and am here without actually being a part of this because i’m definitely no part of this world.

No matter how i feel i know i have a very long life to live here on earth to experience more of the things that i deserve and am entitled to. And my one an only problem is not life itself, but what is a lot of other peoples problem also, and that is “garbage”.

Yes, they definitely need to go. They all need to be destroyed.

I’m so in tune that my spirit rejects their presence when they’re around me. It lets me know the depth of what they are and how they need to be on a planet of their very own if they really have to exist at all.

They don’t know how to mind their own business, they are big liars, they’re envious and jealous of everybody, they’re petty, they are trouble, and they make me sick.

I really enjoy it when them types are out of view, their auras are dark. Most of them are the devil’s children (demonic) and they need to go straight to hell.

The garbage keep on multiplying and infesting the world with their children and they keep fucking up the world even though it’s already fucked up.

I’d never give birth to one of those things. I’d be very, very particular who’s sperm to get pregnant by.

No matter what goes on or how many fall under i will always be one to be counted on when it comes to cleaning up, getting rid of, and preventing as much of the stinking “garbage” from the further contamination of the world.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/garbage/