Category Archives: self esteem

Strength, Power

Standard

johanna-braun-elegantes-aux-perles-ii

Monday, April 02, 2007 at 11:21 AM EDT

You know, things are really looking up for me. I am getting ready to start a new career already! It will begin in a short time. I never worry about my future because i have always been able to see into the future. I’ve been looking to start something new for quite a while now. I get bored very quick. When something doesn’t hold my interest i have to move on to things that better suit me.

A door has closed in my life and a new door has opened and it is very exciting. I am anticipating this new part of my life that is on it’s way. I played a part in my life taking another new start.

The way that i feel is if i want a change i have to be the one to take charge and i absolutely have the power to do so spiritually and, nothing is able to stop me. I am a fighter, a survivor.

I’ve always been a very strong person who is not afraid of too much. And i haven’t been afraid to go about things in my own way and i realize that i am pushing forward more now in a way that is going full forward in my favor.

I’m feeling great bursts of positive energy. I’m feeling extreme confidence. I am very smart, strong and pretty. And, i think that i am more crazier now than ever.

I’ve always felt this good about myself but my feelings are heightened.

I found a greater method in developing and maintaining my spirituality. I had to build a new foundation. And all negative influences that are around me are becoming even more and more irrelevant.

Things are indeed still going on but it has nothing to do with me. It is about me yet it is all in my enemies (and those who don’t know any better) heads.

They are living in a world that i am not in. I’m here, i’ll just never adapt to the things that are not befitting to me so i stay in my real world that i belong in. I am in the world but not of it.

Aside from having the ability to handle adversity the way that i can sometimes i wonder if it is good to be too strong, not caring about things like what people say, think and feel. And not getting embarrassed and worrying about what is going to go down in life. I’ve always been that way and it can be bad because i have hurt people with my careless ways and attitude. I don’t dwell on the thought, though.

I am who i am naturally, and i can’t change.

Even if being too strong is not a good thing i still have my benefits because some can’t see me for who i really am. Some think i’m sweet and innocent. I am a good person but i am not as sweet as they think. And i’m innocent as far as never being lustful, in love before or damaged by anyone, and i don’t have no dirt on me, but that is about it.

Right now, i am getting very acquainted with this enhanced spiritual power that i have received. It is getting distinctly familiar with me and i am getting distinctly familiar with it and we are becoming ultimately unified.

( A Strong Faith Sees The Invisible. Believes The Impossible. And Receives The Incredible ) – A quote!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/strength-power/

Confidence

Standard

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 9:18 PM EDT

I’ve always believed in myself. I know that i am worth a million. Is there conceit in me? Hell yeah! I know that i’m great. Do i have an exaggerated view of myself? Hell no! I am just as i know myself to be if not more, it is a fact. Will i continue to ride up on my high horse? You damn right! And i am riding so high.

Sure, there are and will always be people behind the scenes who will try to pull me down. They won’t get the chance though! If i go down in my life it will be because of my own doing. I am the only one who is able to bring myself down.

No matter what i may have been through in life no one has ever been able to take away my confidence. If they had, i never would’ve kept going, knowing, and believing that i’d be the one to prevail because of the person that i was. I knew something had to give. Does that make sense?

When a person loses their confidence they lose who they are. It is not so much about their actions but what they feel inside. It’s not what you do it’s how you feel about yourself. Do you understand what i mean?

A lot of the time people tend to judge other people on what they see on the outside rather than considering how their minds may be thinking or working. Most people don’t know what is going on inside of another person’s head unless they tell them. So how someone acts or reacts doesn’t necessarily have to do with what that person feels.

For example, an individual can know how attractive they are and won’t enter into a beauty competition, not because they don’t think they can win but because they just may not want to. Maybe it’s not their thing. They know how good they look and are able to give competitors a run for their money. The event just may not spark up their interest.

There are going to be certain types of people and things throughout life that will indeed try to discourage you. They’ll do their best to make you doubt yourself when they really know that you do have the capabilities or attributes. Even if someone doesn’t believe in you, underestimates you, or disregards you don’t let it stop you from believing in yourself.

You see, no one can tell me who i am or who i am not because i know and it makes their judgement of no value to me. That is how secure i am with myself and because i know how narrow-minded a lot of people are.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/confidence/

My Confessions

Standard

autumn fall

Peace, Power, Purity, And Protection

Significance Of The Caul/A Caulbearer Who Cannot Be Defeated

January 28th, 2012

Everyone makes mistakes and indeed this was a big one! Everything in my post is the truth except for what I mentioned about God.

I wrote this post about fives years ago and now I can come out with the total truth that I could not say at the time. I don’t really feel that I did anything wrong. I don’t really believe that the only true protection comes from The God Of The Bible.

My actions did not cause me to be open for any attack because I don’t believe in or follow that God of the bible’s sick “will” especially that garbage about a man and a woman becoming one flesh. I will always be whole and complete and no one flesh with nobody.

I truly feel that God was responsible for allowing those sick witchcraft experiences because I never cared for him and belonged to him, and I thank my lucky stars because I don’t ever want to be one of his children.

I have true supervision and protection from my Ancestors and Orishas like I had all through out my life I just had to get reconnected and reacquainted since I was attacked by witchcraft at such an early age ( ever since I was seven ).

Even though I didn’t truly from my heart mean what I said in this post regarding “God” I really regret having done so because I would never intentionally want to give him any type of glory or justification whatsoever!

And I know damn well that my beautiful soul will never enter a place of hell even if I ever did get an abortion. “I’ve seen where i’m going”, God Of The Bible has no claims over me. He does not apply to me or my life. And I am so glad that I am at a place in my life where I can acknowledge it and back it up fiercely. And I don’t give a damn what anyone who is blinded by him has to say about it!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 8:17 PM EDT

I don’t know why I’m calling this post my confessions. I’ve never had anything to hide. What i really mean by confessing is just acknowledging more in depth how i feel about particular things regarding myself.

I am a female. A woman. And I’m very glad to be. I am strong-minded, strong-willed, determined, stubborn, confident, opinionated, outspoken and a few other things. When i was a little girl i loved to have fun just like most children and i was very creative.

A lot of children have an idea of what they want to be when they become an adult. I knew by the age of ten that i would write and that is the age that i began writing the short stories that i use to. I also knew that when i grew up that i never wanted to marry. I am thirty-one years old now and have never had a boyfriend.

So i really did know what i did and did not want early on. I also knew that one day when i was ready i would want to have two children, preferably two female children. Two daughters. My two little girls. The only problem was how would i get them? I didn’t want no man on top of me.

I thought going to a sperm bank would cost too much money for me at the time since there was no guarantee that conception would occur during the first insemination. I’ve heard of women spending up to six thousands of dollars after numerous tries before actual conception occurred through being artificially inseminated by a doctor.

So if i really wanted to have a child I’d have to do what i had to do and that would mean lying down with a man that i didn’t want. It wouldn’t have been a problem. A whole lot of men were interested in me during my younger years. They just didn’t understand why i didn’t want to be bothered since most young women are man-crazy and are heavily into a man.

I was just the opposite. A few of the reasons i paid my admirers no attention was because the majority of them were nothing, nobodies. They were in my opinion unattractive and definitely undesirable as far as their physical appearance and level of mentality. What turned me off the most, though, is them approaching me like automatically without them even knowing me, that i was suppose to have an inclination for males.

They made a general assumption about me that was definitely not true. I am Asexual and very proud of it. I’ve never ever had any emotional or physical desire for a man. When guys had crushes on me and expressed their feelings in their own ways it disgusted me where others would think that it was cute or normal. And i am very sure most consider having a crush on someone then acting on it normal.

I felt if a guy was attracted to me and wanted to be with me he should have kept it to himself because he didn’t stand a chance with me. Then i began to think about it a little bit, and thought about using a man’s feelings for me to my advantage. You know when someone is into you and you are not into them then you have the upper hand.

Some of the guys who were interested in me had heard that i was a virgin and probably thought ( in their mind if they were to ever get the chance) by having sex with me they could turn me out or that i would change and become attached to them and fall all over them then a man would have some significance to me. Boy did they have me figured out wrong! Some of those male egos and ignorance’s need to go! There is a whole lot that some men really need to learn.

Yes, i was a virgin as far as never ever having intercourse with a man. A male penis had never penetrated my vagina but i had already experienced sexual pleasure without the aid of a man.

You see, i had discovered my clitoris years beforehand. It is a very sensitive area connected to nerves inside the body that with the educated touch of a finger ( i learned naturally on my own ) there are very nice sensations and climaxes to experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with self experimentation, getting to know and love your own self sexually before letting someone else take control. But when a man is inside of you he is not the one really in control of giving you your pleasure.

It is all up to you and your mind whether or not your body will allow his penis to ignite those sensations. You have to already have an attraction or desire for a man in order to feel any pleasure from him. This particular subject is not embarrassing and it should not be. It is important.

When i was a little girl i curiously took a mirror to see what my vagina looked like. What’s wrong with that? Nothing! None of these things mean that you are being a bad girl or fresh. It is being smart and knowledgeable.

During the very first and only time period i tried to get pregnant by attempting sexual intercourse i felt absolutely nothing, no kind of sensation or pleasure whatsoever from the penis i endured because i had no desire and emotion to be with any male. On the other hand though, i could go and stimulate my clitoris on my own while i was alone and feel all the pleasure in the world because my mind was happily accepting that i was the one who was causing sensations received by myself.

My mind and body was and is not receptive to the thought of being touched by a man since nothing about a man arouses me. My body doesn’t want something pounding inside and out, that is just plain stupid! During clitoral stimulation, there is no penetration. Only i can arouse myself as i am in love with myself. And i haven’t ever been with any other man since. That was years ago. And for the future there won’t be another one.

My vagina is strictly off limits as it has always been. There is no man anywhere around me or in my neighborhood who can honestly say that they had me or will have me because now i have the money to go to a sperm bank if i really want to.

Even if i didn’t have the money i still would not resort to lying down with a man because that is not who i am and because to me it is so unnatural. My clitoris is natural. I was born with it. I know how to take care of myself. If i want a vaginal massage, i prefer myself.

When and if i eventually do get pregnant, like i mentioned before I’d prefer to have girls. My girls because i know they’d be very similar to me i have very strong genes. If i unfortunately get pregnant with a boy I’d be very pissed off and disappointed then I’d go seek an abortion. You see, there is no way in the world that i would want or have anything male growing up inside of me.

I know the way that i feel goes against God’s will just as fornication. God would prefer that i get married then have children and accept the children no matter what the sex is especially since I’m so spiritually blessed the way that i am.

However, i have my own will. And it goes against God’s. Now i live a very clean life as it is. I never went astray. I fornicated on only one occasion and that was done purely to make a baby and not out of any type of lust but i think the act itself left me open and vulnerable to the attack of evil spirits when my enemies worked their witchcraft.

Protection comes with God’s Holy Spirit and his spirit is not to be defiled by any spiritual uncleanliness. Now while witchcraft was unable to affect my strength, mind, actions and emotions it was able to affect my progress in life by interfering with my destiny.

So it wasn’t so much about my enemies having the ability to attack me it was that at the hands of my own actions i gave them the opportunity by disobeying God and defiling his Holy Spirit. If i had been married the act would’ve been clean.

Nevertheless, you know what? I still say even though i am spiritually restored now i don’t think that was fair. And life is not fair. I am a very good person and i don’t deny the power and works of the Lord but my heart is hardened against the way God set certain things.

The only real big sin that i was and am guilty of is rebellion. I still refuse to want to do it the Lord’s way by getting married to have a child and I’d still get an abortion or want to if i ever get pregnant with a male child. If i did get married I’d just be using the man for what i want. It just wouldn’t work out.

I lose patience in just two weeks of being around a man. And like i said before I’d never have any sexual dealings with a man as long as i live so if i lose God’s partial protection again by trying to conceive a child out of wedlock through going to a sperm bank and getting rid of a fetus because it turns out to be a boy then the Lord is just not right. My feelings will never change even if i risk spending an eternity burning in hell for it.

The All Seeing Truth Not Blinded By The Lies

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/my-confessions/

I’m Steps Ahead

Standard

1174089_georgia_island_kitchen

Thursday, September 21, 2006 at 9:15 AM EDT

As some may know at birth i was born with a double veil which means that i have very strong spiritual abilities. Aside from already being intelligent the reason i have so much knowledge is because i am a very accurate clairvoyant.

This is the month of September, there is only about three and a half more months left before a new year comes in and still my enemies won’t stop endeavoring to destroy me. I’m so tired of having to mention them but they just won’t leave me alone.

I don’t write about each an everything they do and have done but i write about a great deal of their actions because they definitely need to be exposed and because i’m not afraid to and will continue to speak on the things going on in the world that aren’t right.

While there are some in the world aware of my enemies wrongdoings due to their own experiences or through the experiences of others or through things that get wind there are still a great deal who aren’t aware and Divine Spirit may be using me to get the word out to deserving people who are in the dark.

I know i am not the only one who these type of sick people are doing this to it just so happens that i’m a spiritually gifted person who is well aware an in tune with what is going on around me. And i also have a significant source of protection in my favor that my enemies don’t seem and choose to accept.

Obviously they have greatly underestimated my strength, knowledge, power, and purpose. I am set way apart from them and this world-if not they would have been had me by now. They’ll never get me. No one can stop what my higher power almighty “Orisha” puts out!

I am a person who is pure in heart and in mind.

I don’t, and never have smoked, indulged in drugs or alcohol, and i don’t have sexual relations with anyone and that is my business. It is who i am what keeps me strong and standing. My physical self as well as spiritual-but more so my spiritual self because my spirit has got me the way that i am.

I’m truly a good person. This is all a part of my character. I live a clean life which causes no strains in my life because i am naturally this way. In the same it is in a way making me a target.

The way that i am may be foreign to a lot of people but i feel the same way about them. Their way of life is foreign to me and i may think of some of their lifestyles as crazy nevertheless i don’t care.

To me, smoking is stupid, alcohol unnecessary, and men the easiest thing to stay away from.

Now, i don’t knock anybody for what they do because i don’t do it, it’s just i don’t stand for any belittlement for the way how i live my life especially since i’m very proud of the person i was born to be.

This past Sunday and Monday things got a little heated “as far as my enemies are concerned”.

They started their usual crap when they “think” they’re “doing something”. I guess they spent a lot of time indulging in their chanting and candle burning to try to have an affect on my emotions that never really works on me anyway. So when they see me they proceed with talk that is suppose to make me paranoid, nervous, or feel down.

You see, i’ve always known these things because i’m fed knowledge through spirits and intelligence.

Within those two days, as soon as i came into their view, they began referring to me in a sexual nature. In other words insinuating that i’m a wild sex-crazed person who sleeps around all of the time.

As smart as i am i don’t understand why they stay on this particular subject when it comes to them using witchcraft to try to bring me down. With all of the other lies that they can use to say at me they stay on this whore tip. They don’t make any utterances about me being a crackhead, lesbian, or thief. It’s always mostly about me being the big whore that they absolutely wish i was. And it’s so interesting since i know i have never actually done any of the things they are describing yet they feel it should bother me.

So on Monday night when a small crowd finished uttering things about me which never existed i overheard one say to another “It’s not working”.

And, the other responded “It’s okay” or “Don’t worry about it” something to that nature.

They gave themselves away!

Why should it work on me? What they are doing is crazy. They even got certain people on my job going along with it by acting stupid. How can i get paranoid or feel down about things that don’t have anything to do with me? Shit they all created?

Like i mentioned before they have greatly underestimated me.

I know they want me to have a mental and emotional breakdown but i never have, i’m far from it, and so on to them. I wonder how many people they’ve succeeded with who didn’t know any better. It is such a shame. I hope more an more people catch on to these type of sick peoples games because for so many years they have been destroying the lives of so many good people who may have thought that they were crazy due to the subtlety of this matter.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/im-steps-ahead/

Body Image

Standard

Lady_with_Flowers

Friday, May 12, 2006 at 10:07 AM EDT

I’m not self-conscious about anything when it comes to me. I really appreciate the things that i am blessed with. I like the way i look, i like how i talk, i like the way i think, i like the way i walk. and i like how i act. Everything about me is real, natural, and extraordinary!

I have a very slim figure. I love the shape and size of my body, and if nobody else does that is their problem. What does anyone else’s opinion have to do with me?

I listen to some people and how they are so obsessed with their appearance due to what they feel are society’s standards of how one should be displayed.

And, some people starve themselves to be thin by eating then intentionally vomiting up their food or by just not eating at all. Anorexia and Bulimia are quite ridiculous.

I use to be much heavier when i was in my early teens.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being solid or chubby if you are healthy. The reason i felt i had to get rid of the weight that i had is because my thighs started rubbing together and i’d run out of breath easily. But i don’t cut off my food supply to look a certain way. My metabolism has changed since then so i can eat whatever i want and don’t gain anything.

I do a lot of walking and my energy burns fat off.

But for those who’s food does stick to them rather quickly, so what? Who has the right to say extra meat on one’s bones is not attractive? I’d never compromise myself to be so-called “beautified” to anyone’s bullshit standards. As a black person i may be considered too skinny to some. A lot of black women’s trademarks are having huge behinds, thick thighs, and big hips. I’ve been there, it doesn’t mean a thing to me! I’m little now. I’ve had a little body for a long time now and i love it!

We have to be happy with ourselves and make ourselves happy.

No one can ever make me feel bad about myself because i love myself way too much. If someone doesn’t approve of the way you appear maybe they’re not good enough to be around you, and that goes for anyone- an associate, boyfriend, relative and whoever else!

When i style my hair i do it for me and not to impress people that i come into contact with on the outside. I’ll do my hair when i don’t go out! When i wear my clothes it’s to look good and decent for myself because i may like “my own shit”.

And when others do appreciate or compliment anything about you it can be cool but it shouldn’t be the most important because when you completely and genuinely are secure and approve of yourself anything that anyone feels about you-nice or nasty-won’t be of any deep “fazing”.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/body-image/

Knucklehead Men

Standard

664044-200

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 at 2:11 PM EST
I’m a nice-looking woman but i don’t understand why knucklehead men continue to try to talk to me. They should be able to look at me and see that they don’t stand a chance. They’re undesirable and i don’t even mess around with men anyway.

Men have always been the easiest thing for me to stay away from. “All men are not the same” or, ” have you been in a bad relationship?” Is what some have said and asked me after hearing how i feel about men. And it has nothing to do with either one. I know that all men aren’t the same and that there are good nice men out there i just naturally don’t want to be with one and i’m tired of hearing about it.

“Why you don’t get married?” “You should be married”. What is the big deal with these people? I don’t need a man! They don’t do anything for me. I’m not telling them not to be with a man, i don’t care what people do with their life. Why be worried about me? I’ve never been in a bad romantic relationship because i never had any feelings for a man. I’ve seen other’s around me who were in relationships and i don’t understand it. When they find out their man is cheating they go crazy, i couldn’t care less where a man sticks his penis, how would it hurt me? His body doesn’t belong to me.

And these knucklehead men, you can tell them that you don’t want them and they push themselves on you anyway. Some of them like a challenge or they’re just plain sick because to get back at you and to impress their stupid friends they’ll sometimes say they had you! They use other women to try an make you jealous and you don’t even want them, or women who do want them they try to use you to make them jealous-a bunch of silly shit. And these be full grown men!

More than once i’ve watched guys profile in front of me, trying to make me have a crush on them, and some thinking if they get me i’ll fall all over them. Bullshit! That will never happen. Not in a million years. Can’t no penis take my mind. I know a girl on my block who got sexually whipped by a guy and he married her and got her eating out of his hand. He cheats on her too.

I can’t count how many male associates who were in relationships with women that told me what they be doing behind their girlfriends back. And some women are so stupid they won’t even believe it, they’ll get mad at you for telling them and their man will deny it ,of course, and make you out to be the bad person. But i never got involve with that.

I have a relative who loves to watch the Maury show and Jerry Springer, and almost every day it’s the same ole thing. Somebody fighting over somebody else’s man or woman, and women crying because they don’t know who their baby’s daddy is or because the man don’t want to take care of the child.

If i had a baby it darn sure wouldn’t matter to me if the man didn’t want to be there. I don’t understand none of that nonsense. I couldn’t sit up and watch them kind of shows every day. There are knucklehead women out there too who won’t leave men who don’t want to be bothered alone but when it comes to a man it’s a little worse because they have those pathetic egos.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/knucklehead-men-2/

AIDS

Standard

biomedical-laboratory-ii

Sunday, February 05, 2006 at 4:37 PM EST

I watch the news every day and yesterday i heard that HIV is on the rise more so now than ever. That 80,000 people are infected with AIDS, and 20,000 are infected and they don’t even know it.

I heard it is said that AIDS doesn’t have a look, that you can’t tell who might have it but that is not true. A neighbor and i have even discussed this issue. HIV shows up a lot in a person’s face. Sometimes their cheeks are sucked in. And some of them have twitches similar to a drug-addict, their bodies may appear stiff and they talk out of their heads.

Some people with HIV or full blown AIDS are very hurt, angry, or depressed and when they find out that they’ve contracted the deadly disease they intentionally go out and spread it to other people. Instead of doing this they should go and seek some serious counseling. But all can’t be reached by this method they are going to go do what they feel while they’re in their emotional state.

So the only thing that i can say to anyone who is having sex and cares about their bodies be very cautious in this day and age because people don’t care. Even if it’s someone that you think you can trust beware, you never know. Protect yourself the best way you know how. You only get one life to live and life is too short to be miserable living with such a foul incurable disease when you could be enjoying a happy healthy life.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/aids/

Happiness

Standard

1299855-200

Saturday, February 04, 2006 at 11:13 AM EST

I find joy in having a peace of mind. I find joy in the strength that my ancestors gave me.

I found joy during bad times because when darkness was around me my light still shined, leading me straight to the path of my success.

True joy comes from the Orishas.

And the joy that i have the world didn’t give it to me, and the world can’t take it away.

 

 

Post Comment (1) Comments

It is nice to know that somewhere along the road of discovering ourselves, whether struggles or lessons, We come across realizing that we meet half conciousness of the society we belong too. Keep track knowing God deeply, cause i am sure innate happiness is so intimate that nobody could ever take it away from you. The feeling of security comes with solitude cause God is with you.Godbless. :)

Posted by Life_Quest on Monday, April 17, 2006 10:15 AM EDT

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/106/

Self Love/Self Esteem

Standard

1099472-200

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 at 3:54 PM EST

If someone puts you down do you feel bad about yourself? If someone doesn’t like the way you look or the way that you live your life do you alter yourself or your ways? Do you change what makes you happy to please somebody else?

When i was a child there were other children who didn’t like me and who criticized me or made fun of me, and as i grew up i learned to be grateful to those experiences because it helped to make me who i am today. Most of the time individuals who go around intentionally trying to hurt others are suffering from their own battles with low self esteem. So they inadvertently tell on themselves by irrationally acting out. Lashing out at another makes them feel good, giving them a false sense of security.

It is sad when some feel that they have to make other people feel bad just to feel good about themselves. Things in life can either make you or break you and i learned at a very early age that i am suppose to love everything about myself even if nobody else does. And i always did! None of us are perfect human beings but you have to put yourself first and never let anybody walk all over you and take advantage of your kindness. There are plenty who will take kindness for weakness.

And a lot of people have some type of insecurity that affects them in their life. Jealousy has never been an insecurity of mine. That is one of the worse things out there. Certain people have always been jealous of me though. So i do know about other peoples insecurities. And when you love yourself ultimately and learn how to carry yourself that way there will be no need for you to be jealous of another.

In general, people should respect themselves and make sure that they are respected by others!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/self-loveself-esteem/

Addiction

Standard

756690_bath

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 at 2:33 PM EST

Last summer i accompanied a relative to the emergency room of a nearby hospital and as we waited in the lobby to be seen by a doctor a young man there who was also waiting to be examined approached the both of us to strike up a conversation.

You know, some people are just like that-friendly. He told us why he’d come in. Supposedly he fell and hurt his shoulder. Anyway, he revealed that he was a crackhead. He said that he loved to smoke crack and that he also dealt crack and claimed that he had a building full of people hooked on the drug, his customers i guess.

When my relative finally got called by a doctor the young man felt comfortable enough to ask me if i’d ever smoked crack or used any type of drug before and my honest answer was no. So he tried to explain the best way he could to me about being addicted to drugs. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it was just something in life that he was going through and wanted or needed to discuss it with a stranger at the moment.

I’ve had other members of my family who were addicted to drugs and i know their behavioral patterns. These particular relatives of mine are nothing but pure low-life scum! Now i don’t feel this way about everyone who use drugs because everybody who use drugs are not the same.

I don’t judge and don’t have the right to judge everyone mainly because their on or dabble with drugs. I haven’t walked in everybody’s shoes so i don’t always know what may inspire them to do certain things. You don’t have to go through the exact same thing in life to be able to relate to a person or their circumstance. In many ways we are all the same, learning and growing no matter how old we are.

I personally knew good people who used drugs and i had respect for them because when we hung out together they never offered me any of their “stuff ” knowing that it was something that i did not do. Misery often likes company and some will try to get you to do what they do knowing that it’s not your usual thing. People have different reasons for using drugs.

From what i’ve heard about crack is that the first high is the ultimate high and from then on the feeling gets dead and that the people continue to smoke the crack-pipe to reach that same ultimate high which they can’t seem to find again.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/addiction/

Sex Without Emotion

Standard

310954-200

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:20 PM EST

To some people sex has meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse and i don’t understand that.

To me, sex is a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other?

It seems to me that sex is nothing but a feeling and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure. Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse.

The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and that has nothing to do with emotion or love.

If i was to engage in sexual behavior my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached.

Well it exists, and i’m living proof.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/sex-without-emotion/

Name-Calling

Standard

1353523087ipwhw

Monday, January 30, 2006 at 9:53 AM EST

Words such as “Bitch” or “Slut” seem to be a verbal weapon among many, especially from a man towards a woman. But do those words really have any significance? Not to me they don’t!

The only power a person gets by saying those words is the power that you give to them.

Those type of words do offend a lot of women. But if you really dig down deep into it, words like that are stupid and don’t have to be hurtful. By putting emphasis on them then you give them meaning. And that can go for any word someone may throw at you as an insult.

Remember, even if someone thinks that you are putting up a front because you don’t respond to their nonsense keep ignoring them, that way of thinking is just a result of their own small-mindedness.

A great mind doesn’t have time to store garbage that does not apply to them! Never place value on idle words.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/name-calling/

God

Standard

656998-200

Thursday, April 13, 2006 at 3:56 PM EDT

It is said that nobody is above God and that we are not suppose to ask “why?” Why things have to be the way they are, and why whatever else.

And i may cross the line when i say this but i feel that i do have the right to ask why because life isn’t fair and because i didn’t ask to come into this world. It is not doing me any great favor by me being here that i should go along with the way life is.

I know none of us are suppose to be “perfect” in God’s eyes and that none of us truly see things the way that he does because we are suppose to be incapable of comprehending his knowledge.

And me, being human, of course do not like all of the rules that he sets and i guess it’s because we’re all born into “so call” sin and are suppose to be sinners by nature.

I feel some things that God sees as a sin should not be. Nevertheless, it is also said that God gives us his laws to abide by not to make us unhappy but for our protection. Very few of his rules maybe i can accept with no problem, and there are the rest that i strongly disagree with.

To be even more honest though. I always thought the bible to be one of the sickest books that i’ve ever read. And as a spiritual person by birth and by nature i have never truly felt any connection with this “God” and have uncovered things about him and life ( things i have always speculated since childhood ) that i will not disclose.

Contrary to the bible and popular belief life (definitely my life in particular) is so much purer, happier, better, fulfilling and peaceful without him.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/god/

A Peace Of Mind

Standard

793875_room

Thursday, April 13, 2006 at 3:43 PM EDT

My spirit doesn’t take too well to negativity. And that goes for negative people as well as negative things. Even though i was able to survive many types of negativity that was set before me by demented individuals i totally despise having to be around it.

There is a particular feeling i’ve experienced on more than one occasion. It’s an intense feeling of natural pure ecstasy. A genuine exalted rapture. And no matter what may be going on around me at the time the mood cannot be spoiled.

I don’t know if there is a name for it but it definitely is spiritual and i wish that i could feel that way all of the time. Unfortunately, in reality nobody feels a great deep mystical emotional high everyday so maybe it’s just a temporary sign of what’s to come eventually.

In the meantime, i’ll settle for the little things that mean a lot to me and make me happy. And, that is being independent! I like to be alone, i like to do things on my own, and when i choose to be around a small number of people they are of genuinely good quality because i am very particular.

It may sound snobbish but my tolerance is very low. I was that way when i was younger-now it’s even worse. I can’t be bothered with what i don’t like and i don’t care at what stake.

Nothing is more important than my well-being. I don’t put up with idle gossip, trouble, and people who are a waste of my time. And those are the few things that contribute to me having a Peace Of Mind.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/a-peace-of-peace/

Spiritual Healing

Standard

950087-200

Monday, March 27, 2006 at 4:28 PM EST

I’m Not Saying That I Believe In Christianity Or Serve The God Of The Bible So According To Those Scriptures:

Anyone familiar with religion or spirituality knows that God’s holy spirit heals any and everything. Many people know and believe that Jesus cured people from all types of diseases, ailments and demon possessions when he was alive on earth many years ago.

But some don’t believe that Jesus and his father works that way with us nowadays; though he still does. He’s not here in person. He’s here in spirit and he works the same by himself and through others. In 1 Corinthians, all throughout chapters 12, 13, and 14 the bible backs up every one of the gifts which God gives out to people.

And there are those who receive the holy spirit then get healed and have the power to heal others.

Evil principalities are the cause of many afflictions that interfere in the lives of people. With the great amount of devil worshippers who bow down to false idols to do witchcraft more and more people need spiritual healing.

Now What I, Miss LaToya Know And Believe:

A specific result of voodoo that is in some cases not too serious is the manifestation of skin eruptions.

Witchcraft makes things appear natural or by chance to those who don’t know any better. Illnesses are made to look like common problems that affect anyone. Some people develop itchy rashes or sore pimples. Some women even experience excessive bleeding from their vagina so that it seems to be a menstrual or menopausal problem.

One particular affect of voodoo that i’ve noticed since i was a child that stands out in the sickliest way is when practitioners tamper with a person’s complexion. For some reason i don’t understand-they like to make peoples faces break out then play on their mind about it. I know this for a fact.

To me, if a person has a few pimples on their body it’s no big deal. However, to those doing the witchcraft it is, or is suppose to be a big deal and they want to make it a big concern for their victim.

Like i said before, it stands out as one of the most sickliest things with them. They try to get their victim to believe they’re unattractive and defected to knock down their self-esteem when all along it was them who caused what is really nothing drastic in the first place.

These people usually work skin lesions through putting voodoo substances in peoples food. I’ve mentioned the “skin eruption trick” for ones who may be in the dark, thinking they have a medical problem that others criticize them about, because it’s done to have people pick at them out of ignorance. For people to exaggerate the condition when most of the time there is nothing wrong with their skin.

It all can be healed with faith in your own “beliefs” but it is important not to give in to the “mind game” of feeling self-conscious and taking blame for having a phony physical complex created purely by the sickos who want satisfaction.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/spiritual-healing/

Me, Myself, And I

Standard

665226-200

Sunday, March 05, 2006 at 4:42 PM EST

I love being a woman. I don’t know anything else. I love my breasts and i love my vagina, they belong to me. Carnal knowledge of a man does not make me a woman. Not wanting a man does not make me a lesbian. I am who i am, and who i am comes from within.

Born a female does not mean that i am weak, vulnerable, or docile. And it doesn’t mean that a man can break me down with so-called harsh words. I don’t know who came up with society’s definition of what a woman is supposed to be because i am the complete opposite.

I was born this way. I am smart, strong, independent, confident, trustworthy, and spiritually inclined. I’m not marriage material, but i’m mother material.

I was told that if i ever experience the penis i won’t be able to stay away from it. And those words came from a whore.

I knew that wasn’t true. My vagina has no use for the penis. It doesn’t need or want it. If a man can’t stimulate my mind he can’t stimulate my precious vagina. And i’m all woman, black and proud.

I am nowhere near ugly.

I’m not the best person in the world and i’m not the worst. However, i am enough for myself. I love who i am and what i can do. Some think that i’m crazy, some think that i’m just deep.

I don’t give a fuck because i know that i am unique.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/me-myself-and-i/

Nosy Bodies

Standard

1230761-200

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 at 1:10 PM EST

I can’t stand people who don’t know how to stay out of other peoples affairs. Always in somebody else’s business when they can’t take care of their own. When people are miserable they don’t like to see you carefree and happy.

Some of these people think they know everything and those are usually the ignorant ones, thinking that they know more about your life than you actually do when they don’t know shit! Every little thing they see they poke and pick at making more out of it than what it really is.

They all love gossip but they can’t handle it when other people talk about them. They are total freaks when it comes to what is considered “juicy rumors” that they enjoy then continue to spread. They do it to everybody.

I thank goodness i am not in the same category of people like them. I’m into living a productive life. Making sure that i am healthy, content, and achieving the things i want. I don’t have time for their pathetic way of life. I prefer my own lifestyle any day of the week! I have a peace of mind, respect for myself, and a great sense of purpose.

If they all had something truly substantial in their life maybe they wouldn’t have so much extra time on their hands worrying about what others are doing.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/nosy-bodies/

My Family Tree

Standard

654156_vase_with_flowers

My Family/My Spiritual Connection/My Back Up

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 at 12:56 PM EST

There are sayings, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and “God bless the child who has it’s own”. You can indeed pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. And if i had the choice to decide before i was born what type of family to enter into it definitely wouldn’ve been the one i have now.

Some people believe that we as people are able to choose what family we’re born into-that we pick the parents we have and are just not permitted to remember. Well, i got lucky. I’m not like anybody in my family. I don’t personally know every member of my family and that goes for close as well as long distance relatives.

However, the ones i am quite familiar with are pure degenerates-including my father. My mother and i get along very well. She is not one i have a problem with. It is only the others who i despise. All they like to do is lie and keep things going. They’re ignorant, undesirable, and worthless.

My mother and i are the smartest and upstanding ones in our family. The other members of the family who were equal to us in mind and capabilities have long ago passed away. I don’t know why life sometimes works like that. The good ones should be here alive while these no good ones need to be in their graves.

I thank goodness that my mother wasn’t married to my father. He knew me when i was a baby but the youngest i remember of him is when i was seven. And even at that early age i could tell he was a piece of shit. I’m so glad he wasn’t around while i was growing up.

Just because a man helps to make a baby doesn’t mean that he’s equipped to be a good father and raise a child. When i first saw him i perceived that since he was trash other members in his family had to be too and i was right.

When i got into my late twenties i met some of his relatives and the first impression i had years ago was confirmed without a doubt. My father’s family weren’t shit either-not so much different from my mother’s side, maybe worse. And that is devastatingly bad.

I don’t understand how or why my mother gave my father the time of day and that is a huge compliment going out to my mom. He didn’t at all deserve to be around her, he wasn’t worth her time. He never abused her or anything but people in his own family don’t even like him and they’re no good.

I am a grown woman now so i don’t have to associate with any of them. I don’t ever want any of them in my life. I, to this day can’t believe people like them are actually related to me and my mother. Some people in life have to make their own family and that suits me just fine!

And since i have firsthand experience with their type of people i surely know not to have anything to do with others in society who are just like them.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/my-family-tree/

Sex Without Emotion

Standard

Pierre-Farel-Roman-caf--46740

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:20 PM EST

To some people sex has meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse and i don’t understand that.

To me, sex is a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other?

It seems to me that sex is nothing but a feeling and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure. Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse.

The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and that has nothing to do with emotion or love.

If i was to engage in sexual behavior my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached.

Well it exists, and i’m living proof.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/sex-without-emotion/

Asexual

Standard

morninglight

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:06 PM EST

I was born asexual and i am very proud to be that way. Some believe it isn’t normal to not have no nature. It doesn’t bother me what people think i couldn’t imagine myself any different than what i am. I’m not attracted to men or women. I gratefully don’t have any sexual desires.

When some people in the past found out that i didn’t want to be bothered with men they automatically assumed that it was because i was worried about a man only trying to use me for one thing like “sex”, or that maybe i saw or experienced some type of negativity involving a man somewhere along down the line in my life. But neither of those things were true.

I hate when people make ignorant generalizations. I’ve never been in a bad relationship and i’ve never been raped. And, i’ve never seen any of my female family members in any serious abusive relationships with men.

Most people say a man and a woman are suppose to be together. I understand that God made it that way, nevertheless, i still don’t care. I am nowhere near ashamed of who i am. If i get ridiculed because everybody else may enjoy the company of a man and are having sex and i am not-too bad!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/asexual/

Courting

Standard

odilon-redon-bouquet-of-flowers-in-a-blue-vase

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 2:53 PM EST

I always hate when men try to talk to me. I don’t feel flattered if a man is attracted or interested in me, or both. I don’t need a man to want me like some people do. In fact, i don’t understand the reason why it matters to some whether or not they are desired by a person of the opposite sex. How is it important to anything? If a man doesn’t like, want, or isn’t attracted to you, so what? What does it mean? Who is a man suppose to be?

I frequently heard people say before that most men don’t like women coming on too strongly to them. They may like being approached because it does something for their ego but they don’t appreciate an aggressive woman who is constantly hanging around them. In my opinion, that works both ways because there have been guys who were interested in me and i didn’t want them and all they would do is keep coming around me getting on my nerves. I can’t tolerate no man sitting up under me all the time.

Some men don’t want to take “no” for an answer. They don’t want to believe it when a woman they may like is not returning back any interest. They’d rather believe that she is putting up a front instead of accepting that they’re being rejected.

Then you have those men who play games but don’t want to acknowledge when they get played because in their eyes it is the man who is suppose to come out on top. I use to observe a few particular men who’d come around me in the past, profiling in front of me, and trying to impress me by wearing nice clothes. Then they’d play silly games believing that i would actually care about them or what they were out doing. And a lot of these guys accuse women of being dumb ones when they are the stupidest that i’ve ever seen.

I use to put all of the blame on the men. Then i came to realize that it is certain types of women that have these particular men acting like they’re “hot shit”. Those women let a man go to bed with them after buying them a happy meal from Mc Donald’s, they let men use them, then they get jealous and fight over them. And most of the men are not even attractive, however, guys are always quick to point out if a woman looks good or not. I don’t have time for any of the bullshit!

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/courting/

Double Standards

Standard

biddle-trish-jazz-samba-9960992

Friday, March 10, 2006 at 2:23 PM EST

It is something how most of this society makes more out of a man than what he is worth. As far as i am concerned a man is no better than a woman. We are equal when it comes down to gender.

When i was a child growing up i use to play with boys and we’d genuinely have fun together.

My best childhood pal at the time was a boy. During my teenage years i’d sit and talk with grown men as well as certain women, just having general conversations, and i didn’t see anything wrong with that.

Older people have always conversed with me.

I’ve never been sheltered in my childhood because of the type of family that i come from and my mother wanted me to be aware of the things that were around me.

When i began to reach my mid teenage years i realized just how serious certain people’s ignorance was regarding the relationship between a male and a female.

I realized that everybody’s intentions weren’t as innocent as mine.

I could be under men without having any sexual interest in them but everyone else wasn’t that way so they didn’t take it that way. I never messed around with guys because i’m asexual.

In my neighborhood, there are certain types of people who try to belittle or bring other people down with scandalous gossip. And whenever they want to get at a woman they tend to use things that are of a sexual nature against her just the way most of our society does.

I’ve seen it done over and over again with people who are on that particular street-level. And, it really pissed me off when jealous people in my neighborhood tried it with me.

You see, i think very highly of myself. I have a high self-esteem and that’s my business because i don’t bother nobody. I never cared what anybody did in their life, good or bad, just as long as they didn’t try to interfere with mine. But, that is what they did anyway.

They’re in everybody’s business, especially people who seem to be doing a little better than they are.

Any way, there wasn’t any substantial gossip going around about me sleeping with men. People who don’t know better will assume what they want because most people believe every young girl is having sex that is just the way some think. So to them all, they felt i thought i was better because i wasn’t doing the same things that everybody else was doing.

All i did though is live my life the way i wanted to and not to be looking good in other peoples eyes. I’m just genuinely an upstanding person who has her own view on things. My jealous enemies would send certain men after me to get me hooked up with them so that if i had sex with anyone of those guys they would have what they considered “dirt on me”.

However, i didn’t get involved with anyone, i knew what they were doing. The last thing that were on those stupid peoples minds were that i could actually be asexual. They don’t think that way.

A while back, my trouble truly begun with two low-lifes that i rejected. They’d come around me, wanting people to believe something was going on between me an them. They cared what people thought and were trying to back up whatever lies they were telling about me. Some people will think a man is going with a woman that he’s always under so they played on that.

When i lost patience and decided to be rudely blunt about how i did not want them and how nothing was ever going to develop into a relationship they went and trashed my name in the street thinking their rumors might break me. Boy were they in for a surprise! They knew i didn’t care what people thought so they both went to the extreme with the help of others who didn’t like me.

It is believed by many that men are emotionally stronger than women, however, that is not true. I wasn’t raised that way. I was raised to be my own person.

Everybody is an individual. There are a lot of women who are highly emotional and easily hurt by things in life but i and other particular women that i know aren’t one of them.

These two guys spoke severely of me in a negative way and had a chosen few other males and even females call me names. And their generalized notions were that i would feel bad, get embarrassed, and come down from my high horse.

But i was too strong and conceited and fought back by continuing to be myself. I have a level-head of conceit though. I considered them all to be crazy for trying to berate me and they considered me a psychopath for thinking the way that i did.

I’m tired of generalizations and stereotypical views of where a woman stands in this society and how she is supposed to feel and conduct herself. A man can go sleep around with a bunch of women and it’s alright. If a woman sleeps around with a bunch of men she’s got to be the worst thing in the world.

In my opinion, how many men a woman sleeps with really does not make her any less valuable than anyone else, however, i do believe that by disrespecting herself shows that she has no self-value.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/double-standards/

Appearances Sake

Standard

johanna-tiffany

Friday, March 10, 2006 at 1:35 PM EST

I do believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that it is not wise to always judge a book by it’s cover because looks can be deceiving.

Our society often tends to place a lot of value on the way people appear.

Are looks that important when it involves getting into a relationship? To some, it does matter importantly. To others it does not. Most of the time it is physical attraction that gets a person interested in the first place. Caring about how you look does show and can build self-esteem.

A person doesn’t have to be a sharp dresser to prove that she or he is, or feels worth something though.

I’m laid-back. As long as i’m clean with my body and dress decently i’m good to go. I don’t dress to impress anyone. When i look in the mirror i like what i see and don’t care who else doesn’t.

A lot of females do care about how they look in front of a guy. They worry if their hair isn’t done right or if they have a pimple. I’ve even heard that some people believe if you get pimples it’s because of a lack of sexual activity. To me that is absurd.

Many people have breakouts due to hormonal imbalances. Some males even use that line, “If we have sex it’ll make our bumps go away”. Like getting a pimple is the worst thing in the world.

You have certain women who dress provocative to attract a man’s attention. I don’t think that it is wrong for a woman who feels good and confident about her body to wear tank tops and short skirts as long as she appears tasteful and she’s doing it for herself because she likes the style of the clothing.

I’ve seen women let men dictate how they should appear while they were in relationships with them.

If their men considered that they were gaining too much weight they’d criticize them and tried to control what they ate and made them pop diet pills.

One girl that i hung out with went and bought a negligee to put on for an intimate night with her boyfriend. Then when she told him about the purchase she’d made for the lingerie he told her, “What did you buy it for, you can’t fit in it”.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/appearancess-sake/

Love

Standard

hb53

Thursday, March 09, 2006 at 2:32 AM EST

I’ve always been shown love. Love made me a secure person. Love made me a very strong person. Love showed me how to love but everyone is not worthy of my love. So i don’t just love anybody.

As a child, i was loved so much that i was spoiled by my mother. And we have a great relationship to this day. We can share almost anything. I’m a grown woman now, however, i’m still my mother’s baby, her one an only, and she reverently continues to show me all of her undying love.

People who aren’t related to me have shown me genuine affection by believing in me, encouraging me, and being generous to me.

I’ve experience the mother and daughter love, and the love for a pet, but never have i experienced the love for a man. I’ve never even loved a friend because i haven’t met too many that i could call a true one.

I am a very good judge of character so i’d know who to pick and choose as my good friends. Then i could honestly make sure to also be a good friend to them all. I’m very particular and i’m not an emotional person so i myself don’t demonstrate much affection.

Most people consider me to be cold. Though i am very loving to those i truly care about. I don’t waste any more time with people that i call associates. I’m a loner anyway so it really doesn’t matter.

My love is balanced. When i love someone or something it is not irrational. I don’t have any love for the way the world is i just like what some of the world has to offer. And to me, it’s not much if you’re not into it.

Nevertheless, love is what keeps me going.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/love/