Tag Archives: childhood

Envy, Jealousy

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The Depth Of Jealousy

Thursday, October 12, 2006 at 5:26 AM EDT

I am not a christian and do not totally agree with the religion, nevertheless, It all began with Cain and Abel. And i can very well relate firsthand to that biblical story because most jealousy starts within the home.

Years ago my own uncle admitted to me himself that the reason he sometimes was mean to me was due to his envious feelings. My mother had already told me before he did though that he was jealous because i was so very well taken care of. I had the type of mother that he didn’t have. Other relatives besides my uncle have also expressed their envies and jealousies by going out into the streets spreading vicious rumors about my mother and i in the past along with doing a lot of other nasty things.

And, aside from my unfit family i’ve been the object of much envy and jealousy from people on the outside as well. They were jealous of me when i was a young child going to school, while i was a teenager making it quite well on welfare, and now that i am a woman who goes to work.

One of the biggest things some are jealous of is that i haven’t been skanked up. They don’t like that i have never been dogged out by a man so they had to make up lies about me. They don’t like how i was capable of writing books so they had to interfere in my career. I don’t care who don’t like my books and what i write. If any of my literature is considered to be nothing to them that is their problem, not mine. I have Divine-given talents. Whoever can’t see it doesn’t matter to me because i know it.

Envy and jealousy has taken an all new high. It has been taken to a new level. Sometimes envy is made very clear. One can detect jealousy in people’s faces and actions but when you confront them about it most of the time their reaction is “jealous of what?” Jealousy is a very ugly thing and sometimes it is over the most little of matters. With some of them who were envious of me it is the home that i came from.

I have a share of negative relatives on both sides of my family and i am not anything like them. But in those particular peoples eyes i should have been. When i was a little girl a lot talked about what they believed i would turn out to be, thinking their children was so much more better than me when they weren’t. They couldn’t see that then. Their children’s families was in a way the opposite of mine yet their children still was the ones to fuck up and get fucked up by other people while i was the one who never got messed up at all.

They are all very jealous of my character. The person that i am. So they desperately sought and still seek to destroy me.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/envy-jealousy/

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Hurt/Embarrassment

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Friday, March 24, 2006 at 8:08 PM EST

Everybody gets hurt in one way or another in their lives whether it is physical or emotional. What i had to learn growing up is that some people get their feelings hurt by certain things that are said to them. I’ve also learned that some people will say or do things to hurt others with the same particular things that would hurt them.

Believe it or not, there have been people who have lashed out on me about things they automatically assumed would be hurtful but their words and actions didn’t affect me. And they either considered me to be crazy or just a very strong person. The way i see it is that it may have to do with the level some people are on. If you think and feel a certain way about certain things in life and are knowledgeable regarding them, what some consider to be hurtful won’t necessarily have any bearing.

People have told me that i hurt their feelings and i wasn’t even aware of it because i didn’t find what i said or done to be anything harmful. I didn’t intentionally set out to hurt them and it taught me how there are things which seem little to me that mean a whole lot to someone else.

I got hit by a car when i was ten years old. The moment it happened i was taken off guard. Instantly, right after i got hit i flew up into the air and luckily landed on my behind without any broken bones. I did feel soreness days later. I learned as i grew older that a lot of people consider an incident like that one to be an embarrassing situation, especially since i was able to get up and run afterwards. But what i really had felt was startled. I was in shock. I didn’t feel any shame or awkwardness because people witnessed the scene. If anything, it scared me because i didn’t realize what was going on until i flew up into the air, heard a woman scream, then hit the ground.

I am aware that people don’t want to be seen, or deny the way something happened and affected them, when they are embarrassed. In spite of that, everybody’s actions aren’t the result of generalized perceptions held by most. People often get embarrassed due to how they feel others will view them and their situation.

What embarrasses a lot of people doesn’t embarrass me, half the time i don’t even know why they give people the power to make them feel self-conscious about certain things that are inevitable.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/hurtembarrassment/

My Power/Ability

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Saturday, March 11, 2006 at 4:06 PM EST

When i was two and a half years of age my mother taught me to read. When i was three i learned to write. And, at the age of three is when i first began to take notice of my psychic powers. I didn’t exactly know what the abilities were i just knew whatever i saw, thought, or heard would end up happening not so long after.

I’d never spoke to anyone about it during that early age. What i was experiencing came natural as breathing. By the time i was seven i thought having visions, reading thoughts, and sensing things before they occurred was something that everybody had. I was very young, i didn’t know. But my mother knew about me. She told me all the time how gifted i was, she observed it in me early. I didn’t know what being gifted meant, though. My mother also has certain spiritual abilities.

I saw my first spirit at the age of three.

When i turned seven i was honored in the auditorium of my elementary school for being one of the most exceptional readers attending there. When i was ten i past tests that high school students couldn’t pass. My IQ was tested when i was fourteen and the results came out above average. And i have an outstanding comprehension. So anybody who would consider me crazy for the way that i think, feel, or behave about certain things would have to put a “handle on it”. They’d have to call me knowledgeably crazy!

In the year of 1982, my evil wicked great-grandmother took my mother and i to one of those Botanica stores. She had this Haitian man read my mother’s palm then had him dress up a candle for her to take home to burn. We didn’t live with my great-grandmother, we were visiting her in Manhattan at the time.

So when my mother brought the candle home to burn i had got a very bad feeling but i didn’t speak up about it. I was only seven. My mother would’ve listened to me. She never underestimated me because of my age. But that is one thing i regret and have hated about myself, sometimes not speaking up when i get the inkling that something is wrong. And, doing something when i knew better.

This has followed me to adulthood, however, i put a stop to it. It is said that some things are better left unsaid. I’ll say everything i feel should be said nowadays. I’ve always spoken my mind i just speak it a little more.

Anyway, after the candle burned for seven days negative things started to happen in our life. I noticed that something was trying to block me from succeeding in school, and when it couldn’t all of a sudden all of my classmates who use to like me turned against me. People harassed my mother in the streets trying to encourage her to have a nervous breakdown, then my teenage aunt got gang-raped.

My great-grandmother worked witchcraft on us to prevent us from succeeding in our life.

We struggled with “Brujeria” for a long while. My mother was and still is a very intelligent woman and so am i. My great-grandmother hates us for what we have and what we were able to achieve.

As i get older, my powers get even stronger.

Certain sick people see me as a threat so they joined in with my great-grandmother and one of my aunts to try to block my spiritual powers and to literally destroy me. I’m not going to get into all of the details as to what went on, however, i will let you know that Divine Spirit works in ways that are incredibly awesome!

Not everybody believes in witchcraft and not everybody believes in people having innate supernatural abilities and experiences.

They believe it is myth or mere delusion due to a mental illness.

I know the real deal.

I have a neighbor who’s mother was born with a veil and she inherited the power of seeing spirits. She’s eighty-six years of age now and has much experience with spiritual matters. She told my mother how people killed her sister by working witchcraft.

I feel sorry for the people who are in the dark about these things.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/my-power/

My Lil’ Childhood Buddy

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Sunday, April 16, 2006 at 2:48 PM EDT

When i was about five or six years old i met a nice girl in my first grade class. She looked like a little old lady as she’d wear her glasses and carry her tote book bag in the crease of her arm.

Before school would end, mostly everyday our class would spend the last ten to fifteen minutes in the auditorium with the lights out watching brief segments of educational films. We’d sit our little behinds in the front row seats all the time then sneak out a notebook from our bags to check one another’s school work.

If we saw an “x” marked where there should have been a “check” we’d playfully slap each other on the hand and say “bad girl!” That took place back in 1980 or 1981 and it was a more innocent time to grow up compared to now.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/my-lil-childhood-buddy/

My Family Tree

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My Family/My Spiritual Connection/My Back Up

Tuesday, March 28, 2006 at 12:56 PM EST

There are sayings, “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and “God bless the child who has it’s own”. You can indeed pick your friends but you can’t pick your family. And if i had the choice to decide before i was born what type of family to enter into it definitely wouldn’ve been the one i have now.

Some people believe that we as people are able to choose what family we’re born into-that we pick the parents we have and are just not permitted to remember. Well, i got lucky. I’m not like anybody in my family. I don’t personally know every member of my family and that goes for close as well as long distance relatives.

However, the ones i am quite familiar with are pure degenerates-including my father. My mother and i get along very well. She is not one i have a problem with. It is only the others who i despise. All they like to do is lie and keep things going. They’re ignorant, undesirable, and worthless.

My mother and i are the smartest and upstanding ones in our family. The other members of the family who were equal to us in mind and capabilities have long ago passed away. I don’t know why life sometimes works like that. The good ones should be here alive while these no good ones need to be in their graves.

I thank goodness that my mother wasn’t married to my father. He knew me when i was a baby but the youngest i remember of him is when i was seven. And even at that early age i could tell he was a piece of shit. I’m so glad he wasn’t around while i was growing up.

Just because a man helps to make a baby doesn’t mean that he’s equipped to be a good father and raise a child. When i first saw him i perceived that since he was trash other members in his family had to be too and i was right.

When i got into my late twenties i met some of his relatives and the first impression i had years ago was confirmed without a doubt. My father’s family weren’t shit either-not so much different from my mother’s side, maybe worse. And that is devastatingly bad.

I don’t understand how or why my mother gave my father the time of day and that is a huge compliment going out to my mom. He didn’t at all deserve to be around her, he wasn’t worth her time. He never abused her or anything but people in his own family don’t even like him and they’re no good.

I am a grown woman now so i don’t have to associate with any of them. I don’t ever want any of them in my life. I, to this day can’t believe people like them are actually related to me and my mother. Some people in life have to make their own family and that suits me just fine!

And since i have firsthand experience with their type of people i surely know not to have anything to do with others in society who are just like them.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/my-family-tree/

Love

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Thursday, March 09, 2006 at 2:32 AM EST

I’ve always been shown love. Love made me a secure person. Love made me a very strong person. Love showed me how to love but everyone is not worthy of my love. So i don’t just love anybody.

As a child, i was loved so much that i was spoiled by my mother. And we have a great relationship to this day. We can share almost anything. I’m a grown woman now, however, i’m still my mother’s baby, her one an only, and she reverently continues to show me all of her undying love.

People who aren’t related to me have shown me genuine affection by believing in me, encouraging me, and being generous to me.

I’ve experience the mother and daughter love, and the love for a pet, but never have i experienced the love for a man. I’ve never even loved a friend because i haven’t met too many that i could call a true one.

I am a very good judge of character so i’d know who to pick and choose as my good friends. Then i could honestly make sure to also be a good friend to them all. I’m very particular and i’m not an emotional person so i myself don’t demonstrate much affection.

Most people consider me to be cold. Though i am very loving to those i truly care about. I don’t waste any more time with people that i call associates. I’m a loner anyway so it really doesn’t matter.

My love is balanced. When i love someone or something it is not irrational. I don’t have any love for the way the world is i just like what some of the world has to offer. And to me, it’s not much if you’re not into it.

Nevertheless, love is what keeps me going.

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/love/

I Love Barbie (She Still Has It Going On)

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Tuesday, April 17, 2007 at 1:58 PM PDT

You know, aside from certain other matters i had a really great childhood. And one of my fondest memories was playing with my Barbie dolls.

I played with them from the age of five or six up until i was twelve then i grew out of it.

I had a whole lot of accessories that went along with Barbie such as her clothes, town house, trailer, pool, cars, and so on. I had nothing but pure fun!

I didn’t ever think the day would come when i was no longer interested in my Barbie Dolls anymore. However, normally a person matures as i did.

Much later on though, during my twenties, i began having dreams about purchasing many Barbies and a feeling that came along with it in the dreams was the great love that i had for playing with them as a child.

Even though all of my dreams come true i could not imagine that i would actually start buying Barbie dolls for myself at my grown age.

A while after i had began working at J.C. Penny’s last year i’d go around window shopping, sometimes checking things out during my hourly breaks. I happen to hit a Toys ‘R’ us and a K.B. toy store and i was once again “captured” by Barbie.

I just couldn’t resist starting a collection. One day as i stood at a counter making a purchase a white woman about in her fifties uttered to me that she still “loves Barbie”. I’ve collected quite a few so far, just as many as i had when i was a little girl. I am going to buy a pretty curio to pose them all in.

Post Comment (1) Comments

Isn’t it nice to know the Barbie’s of our childhood (I have an original from the 60′s) are now worth a small fortune! Yah Barbie!

Posted by Half Century on Monday, April 30, 2007 3:06 PM PDT

http://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/25/i-love-barbie-she-still-has-it-going-on/