The Lord Is My Shepherd

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it?  And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders. -Luke 15:4-5



I can actually identify with the verses above as they play out so descriptively true within my life. Jesus came looking for me-a major event that I never actually expected to happen.

I didn’t think he cared whether or not I had distanced myself from him.

Anger, and the misconceptions I developed about Jesus/God through out the ups and downs of my life had kept me from wanting to be bothered anymore. There are certain things I hadn’t learned or understood up until now.  Jesus approached me in such a very strong way. At first, his entrance seemed harsh, considering the situation that was at hand. My attention was fully grasped and focused strictly back upon him. 

Jesus arrived to me with an extreme seriousness, one I initially took as a retribution for having turned away from him with animosity.

Then, I soon realized off and on during the process that Jesus was just being a stern, but solicitous parent/father. Although I was hurt by the circumstance in which arose he wasn’t at all trying to hurt me. In fact, he’s been nothing but a tremendous help, comfort, protector, and loving guide through out it all.

Jesus wasn’t messing around this time. He’s got me in an intimate one on one relationship with him. One that is stronger and more intense than ever before and it is continuing to grow beautifully. I’ve also noticed that our relationship is guarded. Jesus is attentive and I am eager and hungry for all of his love, grace, knowledge and instruction. You have to ardently love someone to come at them that hard and keep them under a tight grip. I am utterly shocked. I really shouldn’t be after all Jesus/God has done for me in the past, however, that is what built up the faith that I had to instantly trust in him.

I feel genuine love in my heart for Jesus and I enjoy spending quality time talking to him in my prayers and reading the scriptures along with my devotionals day to day.

Sometimes we go by what we feel or see in the natural sense and when it comes to God we shouldn’t do that. We are to walk by faith and not by sight because even though we don’t see the lord we know that he is everywhere. And just because we may not feel he cares we know he does from the extraordinary acts that he does in our lives no matter how big or small and he does them with a consistency.

Like I said before, I didn’t think it fazed Jesus that I departed communication with him for several years when all along he was there and working it out for my own good and as a part of his plan.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.-Proverbs 16: 9



Following Jesus

I really enjoy reading the gospel and I am touched by the sincerity and dedication that Jesus’s disciples had toward him.

I admire the relationship they all had and the strength, determination, and perseverance to follow through on their mission with such fervor and integrity. The love shared between Jesus, Martha, Mary and Lazarus was also beautiful.

I look at how Jesus healed multitudes of people and some didn’t even have the decency to say thank you.

There were some people who had good intentions and who wanted to learn from and follow Jesus. Some people only wanted to be around Jesus for what he could do for them through the healings and the miracles that he performed. There were some people among the crowds who were just spectators looking for mere excitement, and there were those who were against Jesus.

A lot of people today are not true followers of Jesus Christ.

They don’t really have a commitment to him within their hearts. For some it’s just about getting their prayers answered or getting through a tough time and nothing is wrong with that if seeking out the Lord runs deeper than just having him fix their problems and grant them their desires.

Nonetheless, with many people it goes no further than what they want and need for the time being afterwards they move on and forget about Jesus.

What determines a true follower of  the lord is their motivation.

Are they acquiring Jesus for their own personal gain and other selfish reasons or are they looking to really grow in a committed relationship with him to enhance the quality and essence of true life meaning and purpose?


The Lord Never Abandons Us


I read somewhere that what we believe about the nature of God is of infinite importance and that is so true because what I believed about God was anything but love.

I did believe he was a primarily angry and vengeful God who expected me to live up to his demands without consideration or reason.

And I believed that all God wanted was a bunch of praise and recognition out of some type of narcissism. And I didn’t understand why because I felt that I didn’t ask to come into this world.

False ideas about the Lord can indeed rob us of the true beauty that is within life and save us from a lot of unnecessary strain.-latoya lawrence

For years, I was very angry at God and turned away from him. Not at all within the sense of changing from a good to a bad lifestyle, but living a personal lifestyle choice which didn’t include him.

I had never done drugs or indulged in alcohol. I had never been interested in sex or wild partying, and so on.

Nevertheless, we all have sinned or continue to sin in some way or another.

Whether it is holding animosity toward someone, intentionally speaking negatively about someone, being unreasonably selfish toward others, lying about something, or other things that we may not deem as too serious of acts, but that are always serious to god.

My point is, the devil knew that he could not get to me through drugs, alcohol, or sex.  My mind was too strong, and my self-esteem was too high in regard to the fact that I really did love and respect myself and my body.

So, he had to come at me within another way, and that was to turn me completely away from having any further relationship with God, to separate me from him.

As a spiritually incline individual, I have genuinely had a lot of supernatural experiences. Experiences that were legitimate and many that had proved to be accurate, revealing knowledge and enlightenment within my journey here on this earth.

When I came upon what was known to me as my Ancestors and Orishas things ran smoothly in my life.

I didn’t get every single thing (most of the desires I wanted came to me) that I asked for but all of my needs were continuously being met and provided for and I was being protected from the things that came against me.

I had a peace of mind and a joy that the world couldn’t give to me and that the world couldn’t take away.

I had felt nothing but absolute love from these Ancestors and Orishas and no type of fear or harm from them whatsoever.

If anything, their essences were encouraging my already positive and clean lifestyle, and inspiring me to stay away from negativity and things of a negative nature, and so on.

My spiritual involvement went on for about thirteen years. Until recently God was able to get my full attention.

I have never ever denied the existence of God ever. I always believed Jesus was the son of the lord and god in the flesh who died for our sins and who was resurrected on the third day after his crucifixion. I just had erroneously came to the conclusion that god was no good and that he meant me no good, but now I know nothing could be further from the truth.

Satan is very deceptive. A liar who comes to steal, kill and destroy any way possible just as the bible says.

My mother once told me that I didn’t love God enough to trust him. She also told me that God wasn’t against me. My mother had spoken with such a wise tongue.

It was hard for me to bring myself to trust him because even though I had once been very acquainted with God during my youth and early adulthood, I never truly knew the real him.

I knew the things god had done for me in the past and the incredible things that he was really capable of doing, but I never came to know him because of the false perception that I had of him.

I interpreted God as being a controlling god that wanted me to submit to a life of what I considered to be “bondage” or else I would be destined to hell-that is how I actually viewed him.

It took something drastic to happen for me to pay attention to God now within the present.

I already knew that he was the creator and that he was in control of things and that is what scared me because I believed he was evil.

In spite of all my misconceptions, God has been showing me nothing but love. He has been so kind to me, and I just cannot believe it.

I just stopped myself to ponder a bit these past few months. I reflected on the past as well as the present, and at how since I was a young child how blessed I have actually been no matter what I had gone through.

The beautiful and loving soul of a mother that I had, the beautiful and loving dog that I had, the nice and caring people that I have encountered, the trials and tribulations I have prevailed over, the wonderful and extraordinary experiences and things God has granted to me and my family as well.

God continues to provide my vital necessities, he has never let me down the way I thought he did, I just didn’t realize it.

Even when I turned my back on him, he didn’t turn his back on me.

When I was occupying my attention on my “Ancestors and Orishas” instead of God, he was there the entire time.

Nothing can be done or carried out without his authority.

I’ve known since my younger years that according to scripture the word of God states to not be deceived by Satan and his demons as they tend to imitate the illusion of deceased relatives and false deities to ensnare us into a trap and I could rationalize that but there seems to be more going on behind the scenes than what we’ve actually been informed.

I did actually receive accurate information about relatives I had never met or seen before that was confirmed by other family members and further things that did tie up to true events.

However, and nonetheless, we must test the spirit and line it up with the word of God if we are not certain about something.

I have the confidence to put God first and foremost trusting in his word and not leaning on my own understanding but within the understanding given to me by the Holy Spirit to discern the way I have through the gifts of the spirit.

In my ignorance (believing God was not working at all within my life since I had turned away from him in anger), it was not the power of any Orishas, God had taken over instead.

He was the one who was there and God was the one who was steadily watching over me the whole time because I was still his child.

God knows our hearts; he knows us better than anyone else because he made us all.

The one and only true creator who created us for his own special purpose, and for him to have a relationship with us.

A relationship that the devil wanted to take away. The relationship that Jesus died for so that I, and everyone else who chooses to, can have only if they genuinely want to through God’s mercy and grace.

God had to urgently come to let me know himself to depend on no one but him as there was no other way.

And that he didn’t want me left behind to be subjected to a life without consciously knowing him, and being apart from him without a fair chance at making a sober decision.

He cared enough to keep knocking on my heart and soul until I finally opened the door to fully trust and believe within his goodness and faithfulness.

I acknowledge that all glory goes to my heavenly father God.

I pray and talk spiritually to no one but God now. It literally happened the instant that I received God back into my life.

I can honestly say that I have learned to really trust in God, I can wholeheartedly say that God is good and sincerely mean it.

I can also say that God does genuinely love and care for me more than I ever will imagine.

He truly has my back, and when I take a look back within my rear-view mirror it is very clear that he had my back all along.